Peanut Butter & Semen. 02/24 | 1:37
		I think you should all go wish Spooner good luck, he is going in for some very serious heart surgery tommorow, and he might not come out alive. This is very serious, and I hope you can find it in your heart to mail him and let him know that you care. Poor bastard. Hey, look - It's BOOGER! I bet that guy kicks ass in real life. Alvin the Chipmunk - Everyone thought he was just an innocent... Um, chipmunk. But along with his fame came scandals, drugs, and sex - The things that John, the manager of the trio, didn't want you to know about. The Chipmunks: Exposed! Haha, another stupid kid e-mailed George Bush with a death threat. His message read "im looking for you and im going to kill you wen i get you i do not like you i kill you." Don't believe me? Click here. Chicks with facial hair suck. Therefore, this doctor sucks. Actually, it'd be awesome to get ahold of a drug I could slip to someone that'd make them grow excessive facial hair... Talk about revenge!

DOOD. 02/23 | 2:59
		Holy crap. See that little tube on the left? World War II servicemen actually used tubes like that one to prevent VD. The tube has a small nozzle that is to be inserted into the head of the penis. When squeezed, the tube sends the ointment into the urethral canal. Personally, I'd rather have every VD imaginable then stick something in there. Thinking about that makes me cringe, I am actually changing positions in my seat and nervously adjusting myself as I type this. Okay, I just spent almost an hour reading old updates over at FUBAR. He has had some messed up girlfriends! I have too... I have some great stories, but unfortunately, none of them will be shared on this site. Why? I'm actually a pretty open person, but my parents monitor the site every now and then, just to make sure that the police aren't going to find something on here that will land my ass in another "terroristic threat" situation. Don't ask. I can't wait til I get my Power Rangers VCDs! Verbal Assault got a new layout, and I like it alot, check it out.

Ownage, and More! 02/22 | 7:33
		Nice... BadAssMofo plugged me last night, I didn't even know about it til this morning when I checked my stats, and I've gotten almost 1,000 unique hits today already! Pretty damn cool, although hits don't matter as much to me as they used to, as long as I know I have an audience, I am content. Anyway, I will be adding a whole lot of new shit to the site over the course of the next few days, so check back if you like stale pretzels. Wow, another file sharing program. Check out FileShare. It looks decent, I'm gonna check it out too. Okay, I seriously don't understand what all the hype over these top secret restaurant recipes is for. If you want Chicken McNuggets, hypodermic needle style, just drag your lazy ass to McDonalds and pay a few bucks for them. Why waste your time trying to make them yourself? Well, if you're into that kind of thing, then more power to you, I guess. This site is supposedly one of the best, when it comes to obtaining those recipes, I mean. If anyone actually tries any of them out, be sure to let me know. Does this story make anyone else happy? I'm glad for that kid, that's one small step for freedom of speech, which is seriously becoming a thing of the past in this country... Actually, "a thing of the past" isn't a good way to put it, freedom of speech has never actually been in full effect, no matter how much people want to believe that it is. 9 out of 10 people in a position of authority will somehow get you back if you talk badly about them. Such is the case with the article I just linked. The principal is probably some big fat sweaty bastard who keeps candy canes and stuff in his pockets and rapes little kids in his spare time. He found out one of his students had a website which poked fun at him, so he expelled the kid. I'm glad the kid won the case, and I hope he makes a living out of making flash animations of that principal in extremely trivial sexual positions. That Russian spy bastard was using one of those PDA's to pass classified documents to the Russians! What a chode. Read about it here. For those of you who missed the Grammys, I figured I'd upload Eminem and Elton John's performance of "Stan", since it is worth hearing - at least I think so. Not an excellent performance, but hey, it's Eminem, so you can't really go wrong. Eminem & Elton John - Stan - Live @ Grammys Oh yeah, Brant's new site is cool, check it out. Spamming4Dummies, however, is not cool. In fact, it's sad that a site like that even exists.

Ownage, and More! 02/22 | 7:33
		Some homosexual completely owned me by "hacking" one of my AIM screen names. That was name that I used when I wanted to get on AIM but didn't want to be annoyed by all you chodes who IM me every five seconds asking the stupidest questions imaginable. The screen name was "kak", so add it to your buddy lists, and when this jewbag gets online, bug the hell out of him. Basically, the point of all this is to let you know that if you get an IM from this fag, it isn't me. Anyway, this is gonna be a decently long post, so kick back, throw back a few spocktails, and read on. Pop music in the US is really annoying. The the female artists/groups would have much bigger male followings if they would just take a hint from some of the groups in Germany. Read this to find out what the hell I am talking about. Apparently you Asians can't go anywhere without cell phones. I think it's pretty funny, about a year ago a doctor got in some trouble for talking on his phone while simultaneously performing surgery. I guess all-in-all it doesn't seem like a big deal, but in Hong Kong, the Office of Telecommunications plans on regaining some peace and quiet by installing mobile-phone jamming systems. Read all about it here. No, I don't have a problem with Asians. But I do have a problem with Japanese people. Well, not all of them, but... I hate how some of them can't seem to keep their shit to themselves (And I mean 'shit' literally.) Many of you are familiar with 'Japscat', made popular and injected into the mainstream by Stile, Japscat is a form of pornography (or is it?) which involves individuals defecating on one-another, often into each other's mouths. Don't believe me? Well, sorry, but I'm not going to prove it to you by uploading one of these foul videos onto this page's server, but this crap exists, try searching for "japscat" or "poopsex" on any major search engine, and you will be unpleasantly surprised. What brought up the topic of Japscat in the first place? The news article that I just read. Some teenage Chinese tiger keeper tried to take a shit on one of his biggest cats. Did he get some kind of pleasure out of this? I don't think I want to know. Needless to say, this 19-year-old fecophiliac was mauled to death by the tiger, which is a happy ending in my book. Plus, the kid's name was Xu Xiaodong - I can't even pronounce his name. Well, at least he died happy. I wonder if he was aroused when they found him, like that old guy in "Clerks"? Woah, look - It's Jesus! ...Or is it? OJ Simpson - The next Ron Jeremy? That's what they want you to think. There is a great thread going on about the controversy that is Eminem, over here, check it out if you'd like, alot of good points in there. "Attention students... This is your prinicpal... There will be no more hugging in this school from this point on. Anyone seen violating this new rule will be shot. Thank you, and have a nice day." Imagine going to the doctor's, and finding out that instead of operating or prescribing medication, they were gonna get you drunk? It happened, lucky bastard. Wow, someone isn't too fond of .GIF files... I traded links with "Rendered", check that site out, I love the layout. Oh yeah, Lalieta and I "swapped links" as well, so give her site a look, she is hot, so... Go.

_i_will_eat_your_soul_ 02/22 | 1:01
		Wow, school was dismissed early today, we got out at 12:30 because it's supposed to start snowing, and apparently not too far from here, the snow is coming down really hard. 10 minutes later: Alright, now it's flurrying a little. I still don't see why we got outta school, but obviously only a complete idiot would argue, or even question why he is being let out of school early. Dammit people, e-mail me or something, and tell me what kind of stuff you want to see on the site. If you ask for porn, you're not getting it, but anything else I will consider. Check out FUBAR, because with a name like that, the site has to be good. Also check out Fashion Victim.

The Grammys. 02/22 | 6:59
		If you ask me, the Grammy Awards weren't really worth watching. I was surprised, Eminem didn't even win album of the year... Steely Dan did. Who the hell is that anyway? I think my dad listens to them. Eminem's performance with Elton John was kind of a dissapointment, I was hoping they would do something creative, but all they did was perform the played-out hit "Stan", with Elton taking Dido's part of singing the refrain. Oh yeah, and after the song, Eminem and Elton french kissed for like a minute in front of everybody, just to prove he wasn't a homophobe. Seriously. Did you miss the award show, and wanna know who won what? Here is the "Grammy Scorecard." Ladies, you may now breathe a sign of relief, your men and their wieners are now in good... Er, hands. Well, sort of. It's The Chastity-Belt 2000! Looks like Hillary's brother has been a naughty boy. I don't feel like summing the story up, because I gotta get to school, so click here to read about another freakin' scandal type thing.

Snarf 02/21 | 7:16
		The brand-new Everyday Hotties Gallery II is finally uploaded. It's been awhile since I made a new gallery of any sort, so feedback is apprecciated. If I get enough positive feedback about this, I will continue to make more. What could be more fun then freaking out your friends and neighbors by making crop circles? Here is something I wasn't quite expecting... UPN is currently financing a pilot episode for an upcoming series titled "The Tranny", as its answer to the Robin Williams movie "Mrs. Doubtfire." (UPN's Answer? If you ask me, it's a little late to retaliate, that movie was made 8 years ago!) In "The Tranny", (short for transvestite) RuPaul will play a nanny to three young kids, and if all goes as planned, she will molest them daily. Micheal Jackson is expected to be a frequent guest character. Wow kiddos, this should be a great show! It's about time the media served up some good old wholesome family entertainment! Oh well, Eminem (as well as Elton John) took a blow, but it's not from anyone important anyway, so who cares. I'll admit I'm sort of excited to see him tonight on the Grammy Awards, I have a feeling he will make a memorable performance. Speaking of The Grammys, I didn't know that Slipknot was nominated for Best Metal Performance... That's pretty cool. Tonight they will be competing against the Deftones ("Elite"), Iron Maiden ("Wicker Man"), Manson ("Astonishing Panorama of the Endtimes"), and Pantera ("Revolution Is My Name"). Personally, I like Slipknot, the Deftones, and Pantera equally, so I'm not sure who I want to win, but I have a feeling that it will either be Slipknot or the Deftones. Monk Rock? That's something I'm gonna have to check out on Napster...

Three Point One Four 02/20 | 8:14
		Damn, I am really mad right now. I typed a huge update for the site and I was almost ready to post it, when all of a sudden, my POS computer froze. Yup, I lost everything. I hate it when that happens... Then I have all this bottled up anger, and I can't even "drop the f-bomb" on my own damn web site because my parents might see it, God forbid I use a "bad word" every now and then... I am happy to see that Eminem is finally getting some support from other entertainers. Recently Pat Boone and Madonna have said that they support what Eminem is doing. He is one of my favorite artists, even though I don't agree with everything he has to say. I love how Howard Stern takes advantage of the fact that his listeners will do almost anything for some publicity. He got some drummer to eat a banana split out of another guy's ass, and the guy did all of that just for a minute or two of lousy air time. It's strange that there is a news article about this, Howard does stuff like this on his show on a regular basis, but for some reason this particular event caught the attention of the media. This has got to be one of the dumbest things I have seen for awhile. It's a web site selling "legal drugs", that are apparently just as good as the real thing. If they're legal, how good could they be? Wow, this is stupid. If you are going to rally against something, shouldn't you at least know what it is you are rallying against? Would it suck to have your testicles eaten off by pigs? Ask this guy... I am all finished with the new "Everyday Hotties" gallery, but now I have to upload it. That will hopefully be finished sometime tonight.

Caged In A Rage 02/19 | 1:31
		Wow, right now at Office Max, you can get a 200-pack of CD-Rs for free, after $14.99 instant rebate and $45 mail-in rebate. That's a great value, but the offer is only vaild until Tuesday. Michael Whelan is an amazing artist, best known for the covers of Anne McCaffrey's sci-fi books. Click here for a gallery of some of his fine art. I regret to inform you that Drew Barrymore's house has burnt to the ground. She is now living in my room. Such a shame, I know, but I'm a nice guy like that. How often does this kinda crap happen? A 10-year-old boy was arrested after being accused of sexually assaulting a 4-year-old girl. Pretty messed up, isn't it? Ronald Reagan: Greatest US President? Anthony Hopkins has gone crazy. He does his best to become one with the characters that he plays, but even his wife has noticed him acting very strange lately... Read more about it here. A few days ago, he killed two college professors. Wouldn't it make sense for him to eat them as well? Tobacco must be really addictive, if prison inmates are willing to smoke it after its been in a cow's asshole. Yummy. Here's something to think of next time you see a Canadian.

Ball Cron 02/19 | 11:22
		I was checking out my stats this morning, and some people found this site by searching for andy and john naked at Google. How did you guys find out about those pics? That was a long time ago, and I was really drunk. Did Andy tell you? I'm not sure why, but my entire body is bright red, and I am itchy as hell. It must have been something I ate... I can barely sit still, I am so itchy. Anyway, I gotta go with my friends back to the train station now, I'll make a *normal* update later on.

Quadra Chode 02/17 | 12:57
		Deny it all you want, but deep down, you all know that it just doesn't get any cooler than Full House. WRESTLING SUCKS. THE 'XFL' SUCKS. YOU SUCK. "I Worship Sony Playstation" - This is one of the craziest things I have read for... Well, since last night, but it's still pretty crazy. Speaking of crazy... Hannibal Lives!

Nigganometry 02/16 | 5:57
		Friskit: The Streaming Napster? (This one might get big...) Earlier tonight I stumbled across this page, which told me so much more about toilets than I ever wished to know. Ummm... Boobs kill! (I couldn't think of any other way to link to that site.) Whatever you do... Do not click here and learn how to make an Atom Bomb. I'm trusting you! Damn... If you live in Belgium, better not use Napster anymore. Why? Well, unless you like the cops showing up at your door, you better stick to the radio or your CD collection for music. Read this. Oh, and it figures that people would be using these files-trading services to exchange kiddy porn, right? Sickos. When will people learn? Some girl in New Jersey made a website called "People2kill", listing classmates she wanted to kill. She got suspended, I'm surprised she didn't get thrown in prison or something as well. Read about it over here. What's funny is that you know this isn't the last time this will happen. Every day, people say they wanna kill somebody, a teacher finds out, and they're screwed. "Yo Mama's Last Supper" - A work of art? Here is an amusing, and interesting article about a legal loophole found having to do with Napster. I'm gonna go watch Gladiator... I'll update later tonight.

Squirt. 02/15 | 6:48
		Woah, ladies! One at a time! There's enough John to go around. I have recieved a decent number of "fan pics" over the last few months, and I am currently making a section of the site for them. Want to see yourself on The Crawlspace? Send me your fan pic. It's as simple as that... Shouldn't everything in life be this easy? Finally, no more school. I have a 4-day weekend ahead of me. Praise allah. My honkey RZA (Ryan) is supposed to come down for the weekend. So that should be cool. This article cracked me up. Hispanic GovernorCruz Bustamante was giving a Black History Month speech about the black union movement, when he accidentally use the word "nigger", when he had meant to say "negro". That's hilarious, since it would leave most of the audience assuming that you use the word all the time. And now, the tip of the day: Never stick a cell phone up your ass. Or else. Well, I'm afraid I hafta go. I don't wanna be late for the ritual Pokemon burning ceremony. You gotta love the Jerry Springer Show. The morons who go on there are delightfully entertaining, it's pure comedy. Springer's guests... Well, here is an article about the average guest on his show.

"Will You Be My Vantine?" 02/14 | 10:47
		"Will you be my vantine?" - If I hear one more damn person say that... I will kill. Guess what? I was going to post, right? I was all ready to. And then it dawned on me - Why should I? What the hell is the point. I have nothing to post about tonight. So, no washed-up crap that is of no interest. Go suck a chode if you don't like it. Oh yeah, um, save Napster, or something. Since, you know, we should be free to napsturbate wherever and whenever we please.

Death Comes Ripping! 02/13 | 10:42
		The pics seen above were taken earlier today, by one of my readers who tried the Crystal Pepsi recipe. You can view the full-sized images by clicking on the thumbnails. You can check out his page here. That looks pretty nasty. I am really sick of hearing people complain about being single, or alone, on Valentine's day. That's like getting your panties in a bundle over the fact that you are white on Martin Luther King Jr's day. Valentine's day is just like any other day. Sure, when you are in a relationship with someone, it's nice to go buy them some roses, a card, some chocolates, or a stuffed animal or whatever. I guess I can sort of understand why a single person gets more frustrated about being alone on Valentine's day - The fact that they are single is rubbed in their face on that day more than any other. But hey, it gives me something to write about, and I think I'd be more interested in reading what about Valentine's Day from an asshole's perspective, then from a person who understands. For all you Led Zeppelin fans out there, click here for a bunch of rare concert videos. Woah, have you guys heard about what Marilyn Manson did? He killed 8 little kids, and molested their dead bodies! Read about it here. Bad Manson, bad. Mongoloid NASA employees jerking off into other employees coffee? Now that is news. Not only would it hurt to be shot to death with cigarette butts, I can imagine it would also be somewhat embarassing.

I Want To Hold Her... Head Under Water... 02/12 | 10:29
		If you are a frequent traveler, or even a casual tourist, this will come in handy in almost any situation. Wow, someone actually tried out that Crystal Pepsi recipe I posted on Sunday, he e-mailed me about it. From: Matt Subject: kerstal pepsi Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 18:49:57 John, Fascinated by the topic, I tried, and successfully made "Crystal Pepsi." Although, I did not get any pictures, I will probably try it again next week, and then I will send you pictures. I went to the local MAPCO, bought a 20 oz. Pepsi. I took regular all purpose flour and poured about a handful or less in it. I shook it up and let it sit for a day. I went out, came home and there it was, almost clear, still had a light light brown tint to it. I waited about another hour, amazing, crystalized. I'll take some pictures soon. Matt quickwhit.net/i2 MC DOOKIE OWNS ME!!!!!1 It's ashame. Napster is going down... Well, as soon as the judges finish downloading their favorite Pink Floyd songs. Read the full story here. Hot XXX Gary Coleman Action! Legal Action Taken Over Hamsters XFL Ratings Drop by Half From Last Weekend Boy Stabs Baby Brother 17 Times Professor Elephant - Buy His CD! Teenager in Alps Death Leap Mad Cow Panic Spreads in Europe Plugs: dehumanized.net - Drinking Hard - barrykirkey.com

Ahh! 02/12 | 5:19
		It's the spawn of satan! For some strange and somewhat humorous comics, check out tards.com. For the latest in Napster news, click here. An inspiration for mandatory nation-wide psychiatric evaluations: www.barrykirkey.com I will update more later.