Hey Kids! 3.14 3:33 PM
		Damn, I don't update the site for one day, and then I check my e-mail. There has to be at least 50 new messages. I don't even have time to read them all right now. I dunno what my punishment is gonna be for the drinking/eggs incident, my dad is still in France on business, so I guess I'll find out when he gets home. This is pretty cool. Everyone go check it out now. Horn-playing walruses - Now there's somnething you don't see every day. Eminem & Marilyn Manson: The action figures! Pretty ironic that they are getting their own toys, but I guess it's kinda cool. Too bad the media is trying to convince everyone that it is because of musicians and entertainers such as these two that stuff liek this keeps happening. Be sure to check out these high-quality (for the most part, anyway) sites: Yardsale's Domain, Yardsale's Blog, creative-thinking.net, God's Grilled Cheese, blahstuff, Daily Procrastination, Building On 3, and Ramification If you e-mailed me asking for a plug, but didn't get one, just e-mail me back or something. I am really rushed for time, cuz I'm not supposed to be on here.

To Canuck, Or Not To Canuck? 3.11 9:45 AM
		I recieved an extremely strange e-mail a few days ago, but I never got around to posting it. I figured I would just do that now. From: "Takiyama sagi" Subject: Invitation From Ivy and Jordan. Date: Tue, 27 Feb 2001 22:17:39 Well we came accross the information that you are a yankee, now i as a canadian just cannot let that go unpunished, now you have two choices. 1) You commit sepaku and retain your honor or jordy and i will be forced to make a covert ops mission into the depths of america and murder you in your sleep [very disgraceful to be killed in your sleep lose much honor] or 2) You can renounce all that it is to be american and shun the land of the free and come live with us in our house up in Alberta Canukland, we have a spacious 3 bedroom house, two of those rooms are not being used. so you can have your pick of one of the two, we will even put carebear wallpaper up if you so desire. We will provide you with three meals a day [not always hot meals] but you must supply your own drinks. You must bring your computer and we will supply the cable access and your bed, that is all, clothing is optional. You are thinking this is too good to be true and there must be a catch. Well aha you are right there is always a catch, You will be our slave, we will force you to slave over the computer for countless hours making meanlingless posts supporting the idea of canadian domination, you will be forced to keep the house tidy we will supply the toothbrush. And if you are a good slave we may even grant you 15 minutes of sunlight a day. And one day after we complete our plans of world domination and we stand as rulers of the universe er... world we will set you free in our backyard to roam as you wish. i beleive this is a great deal. much better to live as a slave of a canadian than to live as an american. ps. we dont have mexicans here. We hope to hear your choice soon. [starts sharpening her sword] -- Jordan & Ivy -- Should I be scared?

Ouch. 3.11 3:15 PM
		Damn, so much has happened over the weekend. I can't believe this crap. On Saturday night we all had some Bacardi 151, and we were outside, and... Well, it's a long story, but this is the result, and another reason why life sucks. I have alot of great stories from the weekend, though, but I have a feeling it might be awhile 'til I am allowed to be on the computer again. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. But here's some advice: When a cop is asking for your name/address/etc, never give him fake information. When he tried to call your parents, and fins out your name isn't "Dan Bullock", you will be in twice as much crap. By the way, if you e-mailed me about my site, exchanging links or whatever, it might be a while until you hear from me, but I'll do my best to reply. Too much mail, not enough time. In the meantime, keep yourselves entertained with some sites that are better than mine to begin with: Desiderata, Hamster Style, Chickenlegs, Vandalized.net, Cyberfunk Online, and Halfhonk.com.

Settle Down, Prostitutes. 3.9 11:51 AM
		I'm going away to Harrisburg for the weekend. So if you get bored, just go stare at this site. It should drive you insane after about two hours or so. Pantera, Slayer, and Static-X are gonna be touring in June, and I've heard rumors that Black Label Society may be touring with them as well. The official dates are should be announced on April 1st. That's pretty damn cool, even though Static-X sucks. Yesterday my English class was hilarious. My teacher was telling us about the mountain men, and how they would eat any meat that they could get their hands on - They even ate each other. Well, she was telling us about how they left traps out to catch animals, and that they caught alot of beavers. She said something about how they went beaver hunting, and I said that "Beaver Hunting" sounded like the name of a cheap porn flick. It was hilarious because the teacher was laughing and everything. I guess you just had to be there... I love that class. I can't wait to see Tomb Raider. Not just because Angelina Jolie is in it, although that fact alone is reason enough to go see it. From what I've seen, it just looks like a kick-ass movie. Usually, when you go to see a play or something with your school, it really blows. Last time we went to go see a play, I think it was... Shit, I can't even remember. Something about some poor beggar boy. But the point is that it sucked. Wouldn't it be great to go see something interesting for once, like "Monica! The Musical"? I think it's about time... Every once in a while... Okay, let me re-phrase that. Every day, there are wierd articles that you just have to see to believe. Well, this is definitely one of them. 25,000 indian hookers? Ugh, that's just filthy. Pretty damn funny though. Here is just another reason why AOL should not exist. If your parents have Net Nanny, or some kind of cyber-patrol software on your computer, then you are definitely going to wanna check this site out. They offer a program, called Peacefire, that will disable any popular Windows blocking software program with a click of a button. It works against SurfWatch, Cyber Patrol, CYBERsitter, Net Nanny, X-Stop, PureSight and Cyber Snoop. Sounds like a pretty handy tool to me.

CHOAGURT! 3.8 10:02 PM
		Violence at school: It's not just for the students anymore - Now even the teachers want to get in on the action. The lady in this article put an interesting twist on the scenario - She was wielding a meat cleaver! Since McDonalds is one of the classiest places in the world, why not give birth to your child there? Alot of people think that the media is used as a scapegoat for the violence that happens everyday in our society. I disagree, I believe that Hollywood has had an effect on the actions of people. Well, maybe not directly, but if it wasn't for the movie "Jaws", I'm pretty damn sure that this wouldn't have happened. Yoshida and Shimajiri: Drinking buddies? Or cold-hearted killers? This article is pretty damn interesting, check it out. If you have absolutely nothing better to do whatsoever... Then check out BottleMail. Tonight's Plugs: BJ Land, Second Reality, UDonkey, digital kemist and AlenX Online.

FEAR THE REAPER. 3/7 | 9:02
		It's that time again, kiddos! That's right, it's time for the school shooting of the day! Today's featured school shooting took place in Williamsport, PA... I've been there before too. Tommorow's contestant: Here. Click here to check out one of the newest exploits on the 'net - Ripping off e-tailors. Since Napster will be adding "filters" to it's search engine, people have been frantically coming up with ways of getting around this new "inconvenience". While it may not be the smartest one, this method is certainly the most creative. First someone finds a chicken head in a fast-food mail, then needles are discovered, and now a live mouse? What's next? A dog? Gotta love my fans.

Plop. 3/6 | 10:44
		You will all worship Lipgloss Assassin. Now. I have alot of cool stuff to add to the site... I'm just too damn lazy to add it! Some news writers need to consider all of the possibilities before throwing a story together. This article, for example, was poorly written, at least in my opinion. Why? Well, maybe the dog was hungry. Naturally, if your dog is hungry, you feed it a baby. What is our world coming to? Common sense, people. Trends come and go... And it looks like the latest trend is guns in school. You'd think that it would happen once, people would realize what the results/consequences are... Our country is just getting dumber and dumber. So what will the next trend be? Who knows? Whoops! China just made another mistake!

Another Half-Assed Update From Yours Truly. 3/5 | 11:11
		I have the worst headache ever, like my brain is literally pounding, I bet whoever is in the next room can hear it. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Anyway, it is freezing cold outside, hopefully we will get a delay tommorow. That would be good. Here's a link for all you penny-pincher types... Free camera. This is hilarious, these Toy Story dolls apparently say "clitoris". I want one. The latest updates in that school shooting can be seen here. Damn kids. Sometimes Judge Judy really makes me mad, like I want to smack her across the face, so this article brought a smile to my face. Hax0r TiVO! I actually know somebody who has a TiVO, it is pretty damn cool. Everyone go check out Unxmaal, because the update is over, and you know you're bored.

Ahhhhhh. 3/5 | 3:20
		Well, we didn't have a two-hour delay or anything today, we went in at the normal time, but we got out of school early, and it like stopped snowing right after they let us out. Ha. My American History class was hilarious today. I have fun in there everyday, but today I figured I'd write about it on here. Everybody had to bring in like "ethnic foods", we were having an "ethnic feast" or something, and naturally, there were some freaking wierd foods. It sucks when you pick up something and shout, "What in the name of God is this crap!?", and the person who brought that in is right behind you. Anyway, my friend Steve is Korean, and he brought in some wierd drink. I told everyone that it was a rice milkshake, and that there were chunks of rice and shrimp floating in it. Well, needless to say, no one would go near it. I actually tried it, it tasted like maple syrup mixed with water, and I almost gagged. I hated to look like an ignorant asshole, but looks like it's a little late now. Anyway, someone else brought in like these beans rolled up in leaves or something, and... Well, just looking at it made me want to throw up. I should have brought in some placenta pizza or something, I'm sure everyone would have loved that. Someone e-mailed me this link, it's like the history of that AYBABTU stuff. There's alot going on in San Diego this morning - There was aschool shooting out there, there aren't many details right now, here's the article, but if I find anymore info on this I will be sure to post it. Four-billion dollars worth of cocaine was seized this morning as well, and that's the fourth biggest bust in history - You can read about that here. And uh, what else is goin on in the news? Oh, damn, Metallica is really falling apart... Look here. I am looking into getting DSL or Cable, I'm just not sure which one I should get. I have heard bad things about cable, like people setting up FTP's and getting canceled by their ISP for using too much bandwidth, and stuff like that. If any of you know of any ISPs to avoid, or which ones do/don't do this type of stuff, please let me know. Kalen has a new layout, so go check that out. CoWSHiT ONLINE is definitely worth a look, and Pot TV should keep most of you entertained for awhile.

AYBABTU? 3/4 | 11:45
		Senator Robert Byrd stunned a national television audience on Sunday when he used the term "white niggers" during an interview. Byrd, who early in his career was a member of the Ku Klux Klan, used the term on FOX NEWS SUNDAY when asked about the state of race relations in America by host Tony Snow. "They are much, much better than they've ever been in my lifetime," Byrd said. "I think we talk about race too much. I think those problems are largely behind us... I just think we talk so much about it that we help to create somewhat of an illusion. I think we try to have good will. My old mom told me, 'Robert, you can't go to heaven if you hate anybody.' We practice that." Then Byrd warned: "There are white niggers. I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time; I'm going to use that word. "We just need to work together to make our country a better country, and I'd just as soon quit talking about it so much." Byrd's office later issued an apology. "I apologize for the characterization I used on this program. The phrase dates back to my boyhood and has no place in today's society. As for my language, I had no intention of casting aspersions on anyone of another race," according to the statement. Some of you have been e-mailing me, asking what this "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US" crap is about. Well, I dunno who got it started on the 'net or anything, but I do know that it originated from a horribly translated English version of the game "Zero Wing" - The famous excerpt from the game can be seen above. Well, this whole "superstorm" thing has turned out to be a crock of shit. There is barely any snow here, but it better start coming down soon, or else I'm gonna be mad. To hell with this, I'm going to bed. Go look at some kitty porn, you freaks.

The REAL Slim Shady. 3/3 | 8:17
		I recieved this e-mail a few days ago, and in no way am I mocking this young man's rap career by posting this message. I may be ridiculing him, attempting to humiliate him, and kicking shit in his face, but I'm definitely not mocking him. No, but really, this kid might have some talent, but that's for you to decide. I just think freestyling is retarted, the 'freestyles' I have recorded were made as a joke, even though I have recieved actual 'fan mail' from people who liked them. Well, whatever, here's the e-mail. From: agentspits@yahoo.com Subject: my first single plz dl it Date: Fri, 2 Mar 2001 18:32:46 -0800 please read this is about me and my rap career Im going to be the next EMINEM just check out my first freestyle over his beat please upload it to ur site if u like it just help me spread it around if u like it okay just read here: wassup here is my first single from my freestyle demo/album. Its in mp3 format its only like 500kb so its will only take a minute or 2 to download so please download it I attached it. And please please tell me what u think of it. It was a freestyle I made like a while ago and I just put the real slim shady beat over it and it came out pretty good at least I think. It was a freestyle going out to a site called funhouse and I just said some stuff and I sent it to them so they could put it up. If u want me to make a freestyle for ur site or something or anything like that I will cause I love to make freestyles and stuff. Just give me some info or something u want me to say on it and I will hook u up with that track. I have like 40 other freestyles on my computer that I have made. I am going to make an album if u like my music then please email me back and tell me and I will get u my demo/album of freestyles when i get it done but I will put u on a list and when its done I will contact u. Well just please download it and tell me what u think of it. Its like a 1 minute freestyle. At least give it a chance please. Feel free to give this song to ur friends or upload it to ur site or anything like that And hopefully we can spread my music around and I can be the next Slim Shady. Please email me back. I might upload all my freestyles to my site sometime so just keep in touch if u want to hear more of my music. okay. Thanx agentspits@yahoo.com I have other freestyles dissing nsync and other funny stuff like that so its up to u if u want to hear it i have a freestyle about masturbation and another one over the STAN beat where I am stan and I act gay Please all I ask is that u at least listen to it 2 times and email me back telling me what u think of it. Thanx, Peace out Attachment: agentspits_funhouse_freestyle.mp3 (605k) Why did I bother uploading the file? I figured I made an ass of this kid by posting the mail, so I guess he deserves a little 'publicity' (If you can call it that.) But c'mon, the next Eminem? I think he needs to set his sites a little alot lower. Anyway, I didn't update all day today because last night I was chillin at my friend Matt's house and tons of people showed up, and I stayed til almost 2, and then had to wake up real early this morning and I was gone all day... And I just got home... And you care. Yeah, you do - I can tell. We're supposed to get an assload of snow, so I'm sure I am gonna have no school on Monday. Word honkies, I'm going to bed, I'm tired as shit.

Dammit. 3/3 | 8:17
		I am so sick of hearing about Napster, as I am sure you are as well, but here's the latest update: Napster will install a filtering system by this weekend to block the distribution of hundreds of thousands of songs that are protected by copyright. I dunno how they expect that to work, but hopefully the alternative Napster servers accessible using Napigator. If you are married, but have a little thing going on with another lady on the side, and you decide to buy the lady a necklace with her initials engraved in it, don't give it to your wife. She knows that you know her initials, and you'll most likely be screwed - Unless your wife is blind. Just my two cents. There is something about that movie, "Hannibal", that makes people behave violently. But why? How could simply watching a movie give you the urge to cook your wife? Alright, this article is hilarious. This guy is an admitted zoophile, meaning that he prefers the "company" of animals - That's right, he likes to have sex with them. This sick bastard, 44 years old, lives with his 71 year-old father. His father couldn't take this sick shit anymore, and attacked his son with a crowbar. There is now a court sentencing scheduled, and the guy wanted to bring his dog, a 36-pound shorthaired mixed breed, which he also has referred to as his "significant other" and his "wife," with him to be present during the sentencing. This request was denied... What a sick bastard! Open-source soft drinks? What will they come up with next?

Silverchode 3/1 | 9:15
		The following is an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants", in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names... Use the third letter of your first name to determine your NEW first name (Row 1), use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your NEW last name (row 2), and use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your NEW last name (Row 3). If your last name is "Ng" or "O", like some people that I know, then I guess you're outta luck. I guess they need to make an Asian-compatible version. For example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts. To be fair, I should post Al Gore's new name, too: Lumpy Burgertush. Row 1 a = stinky b = lumpy c = buttercup d = gidget e = crusty f = greasy g = fluffy h = cheeseball i = chim-chim j = poopsie k = flunky l = booger m = pinky n = zippy o = goober p = doofus q = slimy r = loopy s = snotty t = falafel u = dorkey v = squeezit w = oprah x = skipper y = dinky z = zsa-zsa Row 2 a = diaper b = toilet c = giggle d = bubble e = girdle f = barf g = lizard h = waffle i = cootie j = monkey k = potty l = liver m = banana n = rhino o = burger p = hamster q = toad r = gizzard s = pizza t = gerbil u = chicken v = pickle w = chuckle x = tofu y = gorilla z = stinker Row 3 a = head b = mouth c = face d = nose e = tush f = breath g = pants h = shorts i = lips j = honker k = butt l = brain m = tushie n = chunks o = hiney p = buscuits q = toes r = buns s = fanny t = sniffer u = sprinkles v = kisser w = squirt x = humperdinck y = brains z = juice I figured some of you would find that amusing. And now, some news articles. Problem Cows Gunned Down From the Air Car Bomb Explodes With Attackers Inside Woman Hypnotized By Robber At Bank New Non-Lethal Energy Weapon Heats Skin Hollywood Writers Talk Collapse Man Turns in Bazooka in Arms Amnesty Australian Thieves Take Six Million Bees in Raid Coming soon: Music videos. Wahoo.

Grover 02/28 | 9:51
		Britney Spears' new music video will be revised, because her mother thinks it is too "sexy". The video should be for the song "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know". Some "special" scenes shall be advised completely. The professed Virgin shall be in dangerous positions with a pretty boy, in this video. If her mom didn't find what she did at the VMAs "too sexy", for this video to have offended her, it must be a freaking gangbang or something. Well what do you know? Just as MP3 becomes the biggest thing on the 'net, a new music format appears. I doubt it will last long, it will probably die off the same way .VQF did, but if you're interested, check this out. Ha Ha Ha, I love The Onion. Do you ever find yourself blurring that thin line between Chuck E. Cheese and Fight Club? Apparently, some people have that problem. "John Vantine, what have you done with your life?" My response: This page more or less sums it up. And now, a news article that I am surprised my name isn't in: here. PLUGGAGE: WUBBY.NET ('phatty' enough, Ryan?)

Tired... 02/27 | 7:15
		Damn, I hate kids who can't mind their own damn business. But I hate white kids who think they're black even more, it makes me absolutely sick. One of those wastes of skin wanted to fight me today, in the middle of class. As much as I'd love to "duke it out" in the middle of the freaking computer lab, I'm afraid I have a little more common sense than that. I hate kids who think like freaking cavemen, the second a conflict arises they resort to violence, there is no other option, at least in their eyes. You know what's funny? I had this game for Game Boy back when I was younger, my Grandma bought it for me, and it was actually pretty fun... Or maybe I was just easily amused, since I was quite a neglected child as far as material possessions go. Anyway, I don't have much time tonight, here's some news. "Nude Awakening" for Shoplifters Matthew Perry Enters Rehab Taxpayers Pay for Lunch at Hooters Monkies Behind Crime Wave Michael "The Molestor" Jackson Breaks His Foot

Mentally Ill From Amityville 02/26 | 9:12
		I didn't intend on posting tonight, since I'm not even supposed to be on the computer, but I was checking my e-mail real quick, and found this mail pretty interesting. From: VWBUS5555@aol.com Subject: D-12 Date: Mon, 26 Feb 2001 19:21:29 EST I don't know if you like insane clown posse or not, but I know you like eminem so I figure id tell you this. Two of their friends, Anybody Killa (Who performed on the last tour) and his friend Norm went to Hot Rocks; the same place eminem pistol whipped some guy. They were wearing ICP's record label jackets (Psychopathic), and when they got there, there were like 10 guys from D-12 there. When they left the guys from D-12 followed them to the gas station and severely beat them. They didn't stop there though, they ran over Norm twice, killing him -- he had a girlfriend and a child. Now i'm asking you what kind of people are these guys??? A music feud is one thing, those are fine, some great stuff comes from them (musically anyway), but killing someone just because eminem doesn't like ICP??? What kind of asshole goes and kills someone just because he supports a group or act that his favorite band hates? It's horrible, and I dunno, I just thought you might want to have heard that, after all it is pertaining to eminem. ~Anthony PS I got no beef with eminem still, I think he is great, but I have no respect, only hate for D-12 now. Uh, that sucks. ICP is kinda gay, they're alright sometimes though, their Eminem disses are hilarious. D-12 is retarted, if you ask me, they have no talent, they're just Eminem's bitches. Everyone in my entire computer art class is bugging the hell out of me asking what 'chode' and 'blumpy' mean. I have so much fun in school, but I try not to get into it on the site, you people seem more interested in news links or whatever. I don't have time for that tonight though - Hopefully I'll be able to post tommorow.

Word Pie! 02/25 | 11:07
		It's pretty sad, I can't even be sarcastic on my own website. Well, I can, but it's inconvient answering 50 e-mails asking if Elton John and Eminem really french-kissed at the Grammys. Common sense, people. If they kissed, wouldn't it be all over the damn news? Our media absolutely eats that type of shit up, you wouldn't be able to go anywhere without hearing about it. I can imagine your curiosity, but take certain things into consideration before resorting to mail me. I just watched Gladiator, and wow, that was a great movie. I wouldn't say it was the best movie I have ever seen, but it's definitely up there in the top 10 or so. Check this out: "The 10 Sexiest Geek Chicks." Some of those chicks are ugly, but I definitely agree with numbers 8, 6, and 1. Oh damn, and how could I forget SEVEN? If you see a mouse anytime soon, stomp on it. Why? Because it's fun! No, but really, in Lithuania, rabies-infected mice have been missing from a research laboratory for nearly a week, and that's probably not good. But hey, it's better than rabid hamsters! Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if you got thrown in prison for killing a mouse, especially in those wierd-ass third world countries - Lithuania is one of those, right? But they'd probably consider mice as human beings, since they're running around with human brains in their tiny heads now anyway. The scientists who are doing that shit are on crack. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US: Am I the only one who is getting really tired of hearing that? This is the funniest article I have read for awhile. Paintball guns rule. I can't believe this guy is in trouble for stealing cereal. Maybe he just needed some to keep in his pocket, like Chester? If you don't know what I am talking about, you are a deprived bastard, and need to find a way to watch every single damn episode of Sifl & Olly. And now, the best song that I've never heard: "The Slap Song." You will visit these sites. They are actually worth your time, unlike some of the sites I generously plug. Team Dawghouse, H1 Online, Chris Sucks,