Thank You, Thank You. 4.14 4:11 PM
		I just can't figure this out. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot seem to express myself without offending people. I will never understand why someone would find this website offensive enough that they would try and take action against it, to get it changed, or removed, from the internet. Who has the nerve to come to my parents and tell them that they should be keeping a closer eye on me, and that my website portrays me as a twisted person who is heading down the wrong path in life? I can understand that this website isn't for everyone, little kids shouldn't be on here looking at pictures of half-naked girls, or reading my opinions on somewhat controversial issues, when it comes down to it, I honestly don't think this site is that offensive. Instead of coming to my parents about it, why not e-mail me and talk to me personally? It just doesn't make any sense. Anyway, a big thanks goes out to those individuals who are opposed to any type of freedom of speech, I really appreciate what you're doing for me. Yeah, that's sarcasm. Basically, I dunno where I am going to take this site from here. Somehow the way I write on here gives my parents a bad name, so I can't keep on doing things the way I am, but I wouldn't know what to change in order to project a better image of myself, so it's kinda confusing. Hopefully I'll figure something out...

CHEDDAR BALLZ~!~!~! 4.11 1:48 PM
		Even though I'm sure you're all used to me never updating this page, I won't be updating again until sometime this weekend. Why, you ask? Well, my attendance has been requested by The International Belt Sander Drag Race Association, and I also plan on stopping by The Player's Ball, they said I won some kind of award and I have to be there to accept it. It must be hard being a cop, especially when you have people attacking you with samaurai swords... Now I'm not exactly sure why anyone would want a program like this... It checks your CDs for scratches, but do you really need a program to tell you if your CD is scratched or not? Okay, well it's a little more advanced than that, but there's just not enough time in life for all these damn programs, there's a program for everything! Looks like the boys from S Club 7 have been smoking the devil's grass! Click here to read more. I bet that this hotline gets its share of prank calls. Now, some of you may be wondering why I didn't update for such a long time. Well, the answer to that, my friend, is quite simple. But don't worry about it. Have some gorilla salad instead. No, really - Help yourself. Wow, what a bunch of losers!

Mashed Potatoes 4.6 7:48 PM
		Extreme Sports! Extreme Graphics! Extreme... Water? This has gotta be one of the coolest flash movies I have ever seen. Do you have one of those singing 'big-mouth billy bass' things? I think they're gay as hell, but this page teaches you how to program them to sing to your own voice! In the news: anauthorized porno shoots, stupid reason to get suspended from school, A month after the U.S. Supreme Court said Missouri must allow the Ku Klux Klan to take part in an "Adopt-A-Highway" cleanup program, the state has kicked out the group, citing its failure to collect roadside litter. Maybe the KKK's definition of 'trash' isn't quite the same as the state's? Here. Wow, here's some proof that MTV really is crap!

Karma Chameleon 4.5 4:45 PM
		Straight Pride - Hell yeah! Although lately I have been more tolerant with people who choose to lead "alternative lifestyles", it still really makes me mad that this happened. If you're too lazy to read the article, I'll sum it up for you. Some kid from Minnesota got in trouble for wearing a sweatshirt with the words "Straight Pride" on it, because it was offensive to some of students in his school. Now, if someone came to school with a "Gay Pride" shirt, it would be fine. I think that if one side of an issue is allowed to be expressed, than the other side should be permitted as well. Not that I expect to be allowed to wear a "White Pride" shirt or anything. I can see where the school administrators are coming from, they are just trying to avoid a problem, but things shouldn't be like this in the first place - People should be allowed to express how they feel without feeling like they are going to get beaten physically for it. Unfortunately, that's just the way things work, and it's never gonna change. Two people have been arrested in the Moldovan capital of Chisinau on suspicion of selling human remains from a hospital as dog meat. What I don't understand about this story is how it would have been any better if they were selling dog meat to the hospital. That's like getting caught with heroin, and saying "No, that's not heroin, it's cocaine." Well, you get what I'm saying. Two-headed cows? Nah, that's nothing special. It's complete idiots like these two that make everyone who is affiliated with Christianity look like brainless fools. Please ignore the fact that this article is called "suck it and see", it's actually a pretty interesting article, especially for all the alchoholics out there. It debates whether or not you can become 'intoxicated' faster by drinking your beer through a straw. That pic made Tropicana Lolita laugh, so I figured I'd post it. Someone sent me that pic awhile ago, but since then his site has gone down. Check out Fact0r - And I'm up out this biotch.

CHODE ALERT 4.4 9:27 PM
		I was reading the new issue of Rolling Stone when I came across this picture of Carson Daly. I had to scan it and put it on here, so you could all see what a homo he is. I can't stand him, he gets to me more then anyone else on TV, and that's gotta be the gayest picture I have ever seen in my entire life.

Pure Massacre 4.4 5:13 PM
		Today in my Desktop Publishing class, we were setting up documents in some Mac typing program, and the teacher said to set the margins to a half-inch. I said something like "I'll give you a half-inch," or something like that. About five seconds later, I felt a sharp pain shoot down my neck, an d I turned around - My teacher was like grabbing some wierd part of my neck, and he wouldn't let go. That freakin' hurt, and he did it for like thirty seconds. Then he laughed and said "Watch your mouth." Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't corporal punishment die out in the late-1960's? "Abba Zabba, you my only friend!" FreeSpeling - An English teacher's nightmare. What's going on in the news? Not much, just some stuff about the end of the world, but nothing major, right? What the hell... This is just plain wierd. Who the hell wants to control a sewing machine using a Game Boy? Damn raver kids, when will they learn? Okay, everyone go check out Sawed Off, because it's a decent site. And always remember, just say no to fishing.

Degringolade! 4.3 9:43 PM
		Today at school, we had to do this testing crap all day, so everyone had off except for the juniors... Or something. Anyway, all of the junior class (which consists of more than 1,000 kids) had lunch at the same time, so the lunchroom was absolutely packed. It was so awesome to have lunch with all my friends at once, and there was like a riot going on. About three minutes before we left, the place turned into a freaking moshpit. I don't think anyone's trash made it into the can either. Damn, I feel bad for those janitors - Oh, wait, no I don't, nevermind. This 'foot-and-mouth' crap is still all over the headlines, even though alot of people don't even know what it is - Some idiots think it will cause your hands and feet to fall off. And those bastards over at PETA aren't exactly helping out. Alright, no matter how 'manly' you are, you gotta admit that Speedy the Kitten is kinda cute. Yet another mildly amusing link: How To Make An 80's Video - You know the routine. Michael Jackson - Is it a girl? Or is it... A girl? Find out here! Well, not really... I apologize if I got your hopes up, but the article is kinda funny.

Bohemian Express 4.2 9:59 PM
		There's some funny stuff going on in the news right now, but then again, isn't there always? A Rugby player, who tried to intimidate his opponents by sticking his fingers up their butts is now publicly apologizing. I think the funniest part of the article was when he used the word 'niggle'. Lookin' for love? Learn from this moron's mistake - You're not gonna find the love you are looking for by dialing 911. But then again, with all those corrupt cops out there, you never know what you'll come across. If you're like me, your always looking for new ways to help your homosexual child blossom into a beautiful full-grown gay man. I've found that this site really helps. I recieved a strange e-mail today. People will b elieve anything, I swear. Last year, me and my friend had half of my school thinking that some kid named Garth got assraped on the trolley on the way to school, and that the police found his body in a dumpster. Some people even went along with it and pretended like they knew the kid. People will believe anything. Anyway, here's the e-mail. From: agentspits@yahoo.com Subject: lil bow wow got butt raped Date: Mon, 2 Apr 2001 17:05:18 hey Im not sure if this is true or not but I heard that Lil Bow Wow got butt raped by his bodyguard or something like that and he had to get stiches in his asshole. I dont know if this is true but I think it is cause a lot of people were saying that in school today unless it was just some sick april fools joke that got passed around through school or something but if u find out more about it I suggest u post it up on ur site. laterz http://agentspits.homestead.com ...No comment.

Anal-Retentive? I'll Give You Anal! 4.1 11:37 PM
		I don't understand why people waste time making websites just to express the fact that they don't like a certain musical group, pop singer, etc. Take a look at this site for example. I can understand why alot of people wouldn't like Slipknot, but why waste time making a website about your hate towards the group? It just doesn't make alot of sense. Whether or not the "psycho ex-girlfriend" is real, it sure as hell got some publicity. Stranger In Your Bed puts an interesting new twist on the Am I Hor Or Not craze, it's worth a look. I knew that dolphins were good for something, I just didn't know what. How's Dick Cheney doing? Ummm... I guess you could click here if you really care... Damn, who wastes time making this crap!? Damn, news articles like this one really get me mad. Read the article, and then you'll realize that could have happened to any one of us. "Freedom of speech" is being lost more and more every day... I like this guy. His site is amazing. Check it out right now.

Ass-Backwards, and Visa-Versa 4.1 11:54 AM
		It's April Fools day, which sucks, I wish tommorow would have been April 1st, so I could have pulled some "April Fools" pranks on people at school, but it's no big deal. Oh yeah, I apologize for the downtime, I had alot of trouble finding a new host, and I hope I will be with my new host, Filtered Life, for a long time. A big thanks goes out to those of you who tried to help me get my feet back on the ground. Some parts of the site may not be 100% up - I'm working on it. If you find any broken images or anything, please let me know, I'd really apprecciate it. On Friday, something kinda odd happened. I was in the lunch line at school, and one of the lunch ladies stopped me and told me how "beautiful" she though my eyes were. She was asking the people behind me in line and the other cafeteria ladies if they thought so too, and I was in a quiet mood, so I just sorta shrugged and said "Thanks." That's definitely not the first time I have recieved compliments on my eyes though. This wierd old italian lady at the restaurant I used to work at would always like grab me by my cheeks and say like, "Big, beautiful, blue eyes!" Frankly,t hat kinda freaked me out, because she was always there, but I hadn't a clue who she was. Let's see... What else happened in school recently? Oh yeah, in my "computer generate art" class, this kid wanted to listen to one of my CD's, so I threw the whole CD pack to him, and this other kid stood up, and the CD pack hit him in the side of the head. I know it hurt, because that case has metal on it, and the kid looked pretty upset. Oh yeah, lunch has been pretty funny lately too, because my friend Duston aka Animal got a digital camera, and we take pics at lunch, and then he e-mails them to me after school. I have gotten alot of pics with wierd immigrant kids and stuff - Maybe I'll post some of 'em on here. One of my worst nightmares would be to have an encounter with a candirus fish. These vicious bastards parasitize humans when they are urinating in the water. The little candiru tastes the urine stream and follows it back up into the human. It then swims up the anus and lodges itself somewhere in the urinary tract with its spines. Blood is drawn, and the candiru gorges itself on both the blood and body tissue, its body sometimes expanding due to the amount of blood. This is all said to be very painful for the poor person who happened to take a leak in the wrong lake. Unfortunately, they are almost impossible to remove due to the spines. Amputation of the private areas is the cheapest, and most life-changing, way to remove the fish. Actual surgery is extremely expensive and involves inserting the Xagua plant and the Buitach apple up the urethra. These two plants kill and even dissolve the parasitic fish. If surgery is not done in time, the blockage of the urinary tract will kill the host. The candiru is the only known vertebrate to parasitize humans, and the thought of having one of those little things in... Ugh, that's horrible. Growing up, I was very "experienced" in the field of pyrotechnics - Mostly when my parents weren't home. I think we're all guilty of having played with fire at one time or another in our childhood. Some of us just haven't gotten tired of it yet. What's strange is that I never made a match rocket. But I did get into more then my share of trouble with large fires when I was younger, so I think I'll just let this opportunity pass me by. Another thing I never had a chance to do was blow up a car. Damn, I am just sitting here letting my life pass me by! Speaking of fire... Have you ever attempted to mow your lawn with a flamethrower? If so, maybe you should take this test and find out if you are a true pyro. Flipr - A legal alternative to Napster. But where's the fun in that? Legality always drags things down to a lower level of fun. Who needs Google when you have Booble? I bet this guy has molested more than his share of children.

Misdirected Hostility 3.21 11:54 AM
		Well, I ordered DSL, and it's coming the 9th of next month, so I'm somewhat excited for that. It means I will be able to update the MP3 and Music Video files over there on the left at my own convenience, most likely much more often then I have been right now, since mizi is my uploader-whore. So... Anyone up for some Murder Metal? Actually, there are some cool songs on that site. Click here to listen to a clip from "Jeffrey Dahmer & The Chocolate Factory"... That's some twisted shit, but the song isn't half bad! What do you do when you're stuck in the 70s? ...I kinda wish I was. Then the worry of the end of the world coming would be another 30 years away! Taco Bell is offering a free taco to everyone in the U.S. if the core of the Mir space station hits a floating Taco Bell target placed in the South Pacific. Later this week, all eyes will be fixed on the sky in anticipation of the 150-ton space station's return to earth. Taco Bell has created a 40 by 40-foot target, painted with a Bell bull's-eye and bold purple letters stating: "Free Taco Here." The floating target will be placed in the South Pacific Ocean off the coast of Australia in advance of Mir's descent. Check it out over here. I could read this thing for hours, that kinda stuff cracks me up. Shine on, you crazy diamond. Damn, I love Pink Floyd.

What Was I Thinking? 3.20 10:55 PM
		We had a bomb threat at school today. Some dumbass sophomore girl wrote a note saying that there was a bomb that would go off at 9 AM, so they evacuated the whole school, and brought in like three different bomb squads. It's cool though, because we got to waste two hours outside, and had a shortened school schedule. I got kicked out of one of my classes today. I had to take a leak real bad, and the teacher wouldn't let me, so I got up and walked over to the trash can, and started undoing my pants, like I was gonna go right there in the trash can. Later on in the class, I kept saying stuff like, "Gee, what is this horrible tingling sensation in my lower stomach? Oh, that must be my bladder, slowly bloating and ripping open. How pleasant." The teacher said, "too bad", and I said, "I wasn't talking to you." I came off as a complete smart ass so he kicked me out, even though I didn't mean for it to sound the way it did. I guess Kalen got bored or something, that crazy chode made another new layout - Check it out here. From: "Connor Maltsberger" Subject: wigger kid Date: Mon, 19 Mar 2001 21:28:11 -0600 yeah i was just reading on your site (honestly i never do, i just like your hotties, sorry.) when i came across that crap about you and the wigger kid. I have to say I totally support you, because they are the biggest fags to ever grace our halls at school (im a junior). Anyways, some white kid at my school who thinks he is black told me 'not to step!' the other day (i dont know what the hell that means), so of course i told him he was gay. I then told him to take off his FUBU sweatshirt because it is totally disgracing for anyone who is white to wear that stuff, and he told me to 'shit da whit' (i still dont know what that means) so i promptly tore his shirt over his head and dealt him several nice hits to the face. All that to say...please beat the little shit that you called a wigger, because they are big pussies and deserve to have someone let them know they would never survive even one day in the ghetto. Honestly, what are they trying to prove, and to whom? Regards, -Connor Yeah! Thanks for the e-mail bro. The schwartz is strong with this one. Check out this band. I have never heard them but I promised someone I would plug his band, so uh... I'm going to bed.

I'll Give You An Update... 3.19 10:05 PM
		Everyone remember Silverglobe.net? Well, it's finally back, and even better than before. Everyone visit twoinchesfully.com, because it's not the size of the chode, but the angle of the wangle. Well, that's what Ben (the webmaster) told me. Tonight at dinner, my family was talking about something I though was pretty damn funny. Over the summer about five years ago, my next-door neighbor/best friend (at the time), Zack, had gone somewhere for the day. I was bored, so I convinced my little brother that Zack got run over by a tractor-trailor. Well, my brother got upset, but I just thought it was funny. Gullible little bastard that he is, he told my other neighbors, and I guess he was crying or whatever. Within an hour or so, the entire block thought that he died, and that's why his whole family was away from home. One of my neighbors called my parents pretty upset, and my parents found out, and I told them it was a joke. I had to go door-to-door and apologize to everyone. Yeah, they were pretty pissed. That was just kinda funny, at least I thought so. THIS IS SO AWESOEM!!!1 EVERYONE GET HI!!!!!!11 Tropicana Lolita - Am I the only one who gets thirsty when I hear that? In a completely non-sexual way, mind you, although now that I think about it, it could work either way. Okay, now I'm just not making sense. Anyway, Tropicana Lolita runs frostylips.com, and she is beautiful beyond belief, (Or hot as hell, if you wanna be a 'typical guy' about it.) She definitely has talent, so check her out! Damn, this kid beat Snowcraft (The Snowball Game). That's impressive, everyone go check out his site. Only one "plug" tonight, and that's Grenz, because I remember what it was like starting out, dealing with Angelfire... Damn, I've come a long way. Or have I?

Afternoon-ish Update 3.19 1:07 PM
		Actually, I really don't care if you add me or not... I just wanted to fill that empty space in the image with some text. I am gonna add a cam portal soon, just because it seems to attract hits, and it will give you something to drool over. I know you can see Nay at almost any other site, but then again, you can never have too much Nay, right? Okay, now I'm making her sound like a drug. *snort* Everyone check out 5hift 9ear. Why? Well, I was surfing some sites, and I forget how I got here, I think Nay mentioned him in one of her updates. So I was checking out his site, and he had me linked, which is cool, because he never asked for a link back or anything. Gotta love that. Sheila seriously cracks me up. I dunno what it is about her, maybe it's her turds, or her chickens, or... Well, she posts at two sites, cheesythighs.com and chickenlegs.net. Check 'em both out right now. Oh wait, one more thing. For all you horny guys out there, she's hot too. Clicking yet? This flash movie actually made me laugh out loud. It's one of the funniest flash things I have ever seen.

Early Morning Update 3.19 9:18 AM
		What the hell... I have no idea why I am up so early. I woke up at 7:30 this morning, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I dunno why. But that's pretty messed up. Milla Jovovich will be starring in the upcoming Resident Evil movie. I thought the promo pic (below) was kinda cool looking. Note to self: Never have sex with a boar, a hawk, a goose, a hawk, a dolphin, a sow, or a miniature stallion. Not that the temptation exists in the first place, mind you. Guys... I'm scared. I don't like the looks of this at all. Wow, Japanese TV is seriously messed-up. I have actually seen some of the TV clips that they have images of on this site.

Blumpophilia 3.19 3:23 AM
		Believe it or not, "Blair Witch 2" wasn't half bad. Some parts of it were ridiculous, especially the majority of the pathetic references to the first movie. But overall, this movie was decent, I'd say it's worth renting if you have nothing better to do. But there are a ton of better movies out there. I haven't been online much, because I used up all my Netzero hours for this month, and MSN is messed up - I am being charged long-distance just for being connected to the net right now. The updates on my site will go back to normal once I find a DSL/Cable provider in my area. It shouldn't be this hard, I live right outside of Philly, for chodes sakes. Everyone go call Mizi's voice mail and leave him blank messages - He loves it! I think it gets him off or something. Shit! Now I'm gonna have to cut off my toes. I swear to God, are country is getting stupider by the minute. Just look at this. Boston fugitive gangster James "Whitey" Bulger may be hiding out in nudist camps and gay communities, police in Oklahoma said yesterday. "Those fags are pretty damn hospitable, you just need to give 'em a chance.", said Officer McKee. "Oh shit, don't quote me on that. I'm not gay, seriously." Read the full story here. I wish that someone would pull a "prank" like this on me. To say that I wouldn't mind would be an understatement. I'm not even gonna bother watching this... It looks like it probably blows. Buttplugs: quietplease, Page Of Misc, and The Lonely Highway.

Ass Crust 3.18 10:45 PM
		I rented "Suburbia" and "Blair Witch 2", and I just watched Suburbia. I thought it was a pretty decent movie, and then it ended - That was one of the worst movie endings ever. It just came to a hault, and not a good hault, not a "U-Turn" hault, this just ended for like no reason, leaving me wondering what the hell happened, but in a bad way. That's the last time I rent a movie that I've never heard anything about. A song that I was listening to today off of the Deftones - "Around The Fur" album (which has become one of my favorite CDs) really captured the way I have been feeling lately. I believe the lyric was, "Dying of boredom, I'll try it all." That really sums up my attitude towards alot of things right now. I'm not going to get too in depth, but boredom can drive people to things that they never thought they'd do. Arabian Rap? That's the funniest thing I have seen all day. These self-proclaimed "Arabian Rap Sensations" have a CD out called "Stepping On The Crowtche Owf Your Americain President" - Yes, that's how it's spelled. Here is the description of their newest track, titled "Good Girls Yes, Bad Girls No": Good girles are goode. They wail do it for you and rowbe you on the face, pants and bowthe. Bad girls are shaith. We hated thaim. They are to stupid thinges sowch as not remember to wear a hat. Good girls receive a Yes. Bad girls receive a No. Need I say more? Check out Group X today!

Ruby Soho 3.18 2:01 PM
		Attention all you ugly bastards. Now even the most homely of you can have a decent looking wife - It's fast, easy, and free! Okay, well it's not free, but it's still worth a look if this caught your attention! Get Married Now is the site for you. Even though the majority of these girls look like men with wigs on (See here and here), there are a few of them that are actually somewhat decent-looking! Don't believe me? Well, check out this chick, she... Okay, well she's not all that, but Jana isn't too bad loo - Okay, hold on a second... This Nina chick isn't half bad, like if you put a paper bag over her head, she might... Alright, maybe this website isn't such a good idea after all. Why do they all look so much like men? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?! Wow, this is extremely pathetic, but at the same time mildly amusing. I wonder if anyone has ever actually used it?

Hammer Smashed Face! 3.18 10:45 AM
		The image to the left is the design I made for my group's t-shirt in Desktop Publishing class. I think it's pretty damn cool that sometime next week, I will be the proud owner of a Chode! t-shirt. I might open an online store so I can make all of the fine products in the Chode! designer line available to my loyal visitors. Then again, everyone and their mother has an online store for their websites, but I never was one to avoid the bandwagon, so we'll just see what happens.

Fartfignewton 3.17 12:23 PM
		Am I the only guy who finds abnormally large breasts a turn-off? It almost gets to the point where they are gross. It just doesn't seem right. First off, they're obviously fake, a rack that large doesn't just grow naturally, does it? Plus, you never see that stuff in real life. Girls like that are only seen in pornos. So those of you who get your kicks from these mountains known as 'breasts', well... I guess I just don't see things eye to eye with you. This "wigger" kid in one of my classes never minds his own business, and today I just got sick of it, so I said to him "Hey buddy, color check, you're white." Now the whole class, which consists mostly of minorities, thinks that I'm racist. Isn't that great? I was just trying to straighten the kid out. Well, actually, he almost kicked my ass, he got up in my face and stuff. I'm not really the fighter type so I just stayed cool and sat there, kept doing my work, and he ended up looking like a moron, trying to start a fight with someone who wouldn't even respond to him. Yeah, that was the highlight of my day. It's ashame that I haven't had more time to tend to your boredom and entertain you people, but I have been... Busy. Yeah, we'll just leave it at that. Attention all expectant mothers! No more throwing your baby in the dumpster to die just because you don't like it's eye/hair color! With Geno Choice, that's all a thing of the past! The moron of the year award goes to Aleobiga Aberima, from the village of Lambu in northeastern Ghana. He was been shot dead while testing whether a magic spell has made him bulletproof. He asked a jujuman (a local witchdoctor) to make him invincible to bullets. If you wanna read the story, go here. A DARE officer died from a crack/heroin overdose - Why am I not the least bit surprised? Everyone is corrupt. Read the story here. Chicken Run! A truck containing 46,000 pounds of processed chicken flipped over and spilled its contents on the highway in Houston yesterday. As pedestrians hauled off boxes of free chicken, they ignored warnings that the meat could possibly be contaminated. Hey, free food - Hakuna Matata. Holy shit, someone shoot me, I can't believe I just quoted The Lion King. Damn, it must suck to be the CEO of this company. Well, I can honestly say that this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever read. It's ashame that people like the one who wrote this piece even exist. "The standard MS Office price tag is $250. It would take the average Mexican -- earning $5 a day -- almost two months to buy it." That is a direct quote from this article. The lady in this article is from Camp Hill, PA. I grew up in the town right next to that one, which is pretty wierd. Alot of my friends live in Camp Hill. And the school violence continues... Here, Here. Damn, I wish I had one of these, they are pretty cool. Well, I gotta go. Oh yeah, I finally decided to use my webcam to add more content to the site. Well, not really, but um... I made a new section. So click here to check out the ChodaCam! Okay, now I really am leaving.