4.2(11:47PM):// I'm Tired. Why Am I Doing This?
Beefmaster Flex says "what's up homies." He was last seen shakin his jelly-ass in the hizza-hood. Okay, well this really blows the llama's ass. Mizi can't host me anymore, but good 'ol altern.org is back up after all. So I'm here for now. But I am still getting offers to be hosted by people, it's just I don't wanna get hosted by someone whose domain will die in one week. In other words... I need a reliable host! Dammit, this is so gay, I just want a website with no ads!

I'd do a normal update now, but I am seriously worn out from the weekend. I'd say it was pretty cool. I had to get up at like 7:00 Saturday morning, Vanessa picked me up at like 8:20, the train left at 9:30, and the ride down was cool. When we got there, we went to Ryan's, then Kyle came over, and the four of us went to the mall and met up with Eddie. I saw alot of people so that was cool, I love that, especially when I see people who I haven't seen for like, a long time. Then we went back to Eddie's, Ryans and Vanessa stayed at Eddies while me, Kyle, and Ed went to a mall by his house. It was funny as shit, we did alot of funny stuff. I was playing with the fuse box, and shutting games in the arcade on-and-off. "You owe me a quarter asshole!" Then we went to some CD store, and bought the movie Kids, which was decent, but not nearly as good as I had heard. Then on the way out, we were in like Sears or something, and they had webtv hooked up to a big-screen TV. So I got on it, its slow as hell, but I went to goatse.cx, and left it on the screen, then me and Kyle busted out laughing and like limped out of the store we were laughing so hard, because there was a salesman right behind us when we put up that website and he was just standing there staring at it. We do shit like that all the time... Well, not as much since I moved out here. I miss the good old days. Well, we got back to Ryan's eventually, and my friends Crystal, Arin, Kelly, and some other kids came over, it was fun, we played basketball and stuff, and we had eggs and fireworks, not to mention some of us were in mischievious moods... I was hyper as shit, we were in this one dudes yard on his huge trampoline at like 1:00 AM jumping on it, he comes out on the porch, and we just kept jumping on it, it was so funny. Then we came back later on that night. Dude, I want one of those so bad... I just have nowhere to put it. Okay, well this is all shit. I can't let this happen again, I have gone on for like 20 minutes just about my weekend, and that is strictly a "no-no" (hate to use that term) on this site, because I doubt that interested a single one of you. Well, I'll get back on schedule tommorow, so keep coming back for all the wierd, crazy shit that you are used to finding here. For now, let these links keep you busy until my next update. Oh yeah, Q*BERT Rules!

4.1(12:17PM):// Quick Update: MP3's For You.
I'm just adding this through my friend's dads laptop, I'm back in Harrisburg and um, I let my computer on all night last night, uploading mp3's, so I figured I would put up a link to the directory that they are in. Click here to check it out. If you don't like them, then don't download 'em.

3.31(4:27PM):// I'm Okay, You're Okay.
Sorry about the downtime folks, my host altern.org was shut down, the reason for this is beyond my knowledge. So now the greatest man ever born, aka Mizi, is hosting me. Let's just take a moment of silence in honor of his greatness... Done? Okay. Well, I have a formal dance to go to at my girlfriend's school tonight, and I'm sure we'll end up at an after-party or something, and then tommorow morning my friend Vanessa is picking me up at 8:30 in the morning, and we're taking the train down to Harrisburg. (Notice a pattern here?) Anyway, what does all of this mean to you? Not much, except I might not have a chance to update until I get back on Sunday, but you never know, these days, everyone has internet access, and when I visit, I just go from house-to-house, so I might have a chance to throw some quick shit on here.

I just wanted to let you all know how much I apprecciate your feedback on my site. My site went down this afternoon, and when I got on AIM I IM'd Mizi. As he was setting up my sub-domain, I got 3 IM's and an e-mail from other people offering to host me. (Thanks guys) Just remember, you coming back here continually is what motivates me to keep the page going. Thanks for making it what it is today. Okay, I'm gonna shut up now, because this is starting to sound like a grammy-acceptance speech.

Well I have to start getting ready now, I'm leaving for the dance at 6:00, but I have some stuff to do until then. Keep visiting, and check out these two wierd news articles: "Jilted Husband Blows Up Wedding" & "Couple Get Long Terms For Torturing Children".

And some fun blind links:

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7]


3.30(10:37PM):// Procardinatramasciouslandromedia.
I found some wierd shit on EBay. Wow! BRONZE STATUE! FULL PUBIC DETAIL! GOOD FOR MASTURBATORY PURPOSES! Who the hell would buy that? But I would want some of this! That way, next time you say you are gonna "open up a can of whoop-ass" on someone, you can really mean it! And everybody, make sure to pick up a set of these while you're at it.

Smack-A-Hoe Productions presents...

Pimp War: The greatest video game ever made.

Actually, it sucks, but that sounded sorta cool. Anyway, check it out.

All this old stuff was uncovered in an Egyptian desert a few months ago. Bronze swords, fragments of human bones, iron knives, a shield, a silver bracelet, and a sign with "Don't touch my shit!" written on it were discovered some months ago in El-Bahr El-Aazam [?] by a team from the Egyptian geological service. Alerted to the find, the Supreme Council of Antiquities sent in a team of archaeologists to dig before the wind covered the artifacts again. Why the hell do they have to name it El-Bahr El-Aazam? Why can't they just name it Desert #6? That makes alot more sense to me! Stupid Egyptians, everybody wants to walk like them. Well, thats what the song says... Read more about this stuff over here.

Blake Wilfong's guide to the best little whorehouse in LA: The Chicken Ranch. This is pretty interesting to read. After scanning over it briefly, I think I'd like to pay that place a visit someday... Strictly for educational purposes, of course, but that goes without saying, right? Actually, I thought it was interesting because it is one of the few places where prostitution is 100% legal. I think they had a camera-man go to this place on Howard Stern. Check it out over here.

A stinky cop, a shitty german death metal group, Whitney Huston baked off her ass in an interview, and Plush-O-Files; What do they all have in common? You'll find me talking about them in context that makes absolutely no sense, here at John's Crawlspace.

3.30(3:16PM):// The End?
Damn, from reading this article, it looks as if my host, Altern.org, may be forced to shut down. If the French National Assembly follows through with this proposal, then my site will be gone. And I refuse to create a website on Angelfire, Tripod, Geocities, Hypermart, Crosswinds, Xoom, etc, because those companies will delete your site in a heartbeat if they feel that it's content may be harmful to them or the public. Anyone out there wanna host me? All I really need is some room for my html, I'm not gonna upload "WaReZ" or any of that b.s. Well, you can read more about what is going on with these FNA morons by clicking here. I'm gonna go lift some weights now, I have been really motivated to keep in shape lately. Any feedback on this topic would be apprecciated, you can contact me via e-mail at nitejohn@hotmail.com, or aol instant messenger, my screen name is "john vantine".

3.29(9:37PM):// Moblat Was Here.
SKWERLS R THE KOLEST THINGS? U KNOW!!! DID U EVR EVN SEE ON! ON TIME I PETID WON BUT IT TURND OWT IT WUS DED? I LUF SKWERLS THO I MADE A COL WEB PAG ABOTT THEM. MY MOM HELPD ME. GO TO IT IF U CLIK YOR MOSE ON HERE. SOMTIMES MY DAD VIDYO TAIPS ME NAKKED WEN AN THEN AN MAKES ME AN SISTR JUMP ON THE BED WILE HE TAIP RECORS IT? THEN HE GIVS ME KISSIS. I LUF HIM!!!

Haha, anyone remember the Teresa notes in 7th/8th grade? "KUM 2 MY MATH PARTY. PLEAS BRIG ONE PENSIL AD A LOOSLEEF." Lol, that's what that reminded me of.

Judging by the looks of this guy, you wouldn't think that he'd be the violent type, would you? Well, he pulled out an (unloaded) shotgun on a deputy who were "threatening" to cut down his tree. Damn cops, I bet that guy climbed that tree every day, and they just wanted to cut it down on him. Now how is he going to shit on random passerbys if he has no tree to sit in? They arrested the guy. Hahaha, 95 years old and in jail? Read more about it here. It would be funny if this guy got to be cellmates with the tossed-salad man. Sounds like a movie that you'd see/would have seen on the great R33t

Woah, Quake III is coming out for Dreamcast! I'm not really surprised, but I bet it is going to kick some serious ass. I'm not too big on video games, even though I own a PSX, N64, and a Saturn (piece of trash.) But this just sounds amazing.

"The Sega Dreamcast version of QUAKE III Arena will have exclusive new arenas, a completely re-designed user interface and menu system, as well as an innovative two to four-player split screen option for non-stop action. Players are invited to test their mettle against history's fiercest warriors while prowling dark hallways and courtyards in gothic arenas and frightening futuristic spacescapes."

Taken from Shugashack.com. You can read more about that, as well as other interesting gaming news, over there.

This is sorta odd, Yahoo is being sued by three ginats in the video game industry... Nintendo, Sega, and EA. I'm too tired to summarize the article, so read more about it here.

God! What the hell is this!? Damn, homo's are... Gay!

Well, I'm gonna stay on AIM for a while, but I have school tommorow... Damn, can't wait for this weekend, goin back to visit Harrisburg again, my true home, it's where I should be, and-Okay, sorry about that, it tends to happen sometimes.

3.29(8:35PM):// Stuff.
A prematurely-born dead baby was found in a a basket of bed sheets, miles away from the hospital from which the sheets orginated, at a La Mirada laundry facility. The parents now are questioning whether the doctors provided proper care for the mother and baby girl. The have hired a lawyer this week to investigate the matter. That's really wierd, over a three-day period, how does a dead baby get from a morgue to a pile of dirty laundry? Well, read more about this story over here.

Damn dude, right after I posted that cool java contructor link, I went to Stile's page, and it was already on there! ! I didn't find that link on my own, but still, that kinda sucks.

Woodland Cemetary in Compton has been shut down, due to the fact that there have been bones lying around. I guess that can only really mean one thing, people were probably all coked up or some stuff, and thought it would be funny to dig up a body. Well, it could have been alot of different things, but still, that's disgusting. I mean it is hilarious, if I was walking through a cemetary with some friends and I tripped over a ribcage, I would laugh hysterically! But I would never dig up a damn body... Well, maybe if I got really horny... Read more about the cemetary here.

I thought that as we progressed into the new millenium, America's morals would only sink lower and lower. But maybe I was wrong unfortunately, in this case.) The Supreme Court is tightening their grip on some things, namely "erotic" dancers. They aren't banning it completely, obviously, or you would have seen middle-aged-male-pervert-rioters on the streets by now. But what the hell is this all about? What good will it do?



3.29(7:51PM):// You Absolutely Must Check This Out.
There is no doubt in my mind that this is the absolute coolest thing I have ever seen that someone made out of java. I have more shiznite to post, but I have been playing with this damn thing for the past, like, 20 minutes. Check back within a half an hour for a whole lot more.

3.29(2:38PM):// Hey.
Wow, I got outta school at 1:00 today. Cool huh? Well I'm gonna go walk up to Prendie and see my girlfriend and some people... Yeah. I'll update when I get back. Damn, it's cold out!

3.28(10:41PM):// Insert Interesting Title Here.
People sure sell some worthless shit on EBay. I wonder where the guy who is holding this auction got ahold of the pizza bag's that he is selling. Hmm... Ex-Domino's employee?

Bart Simpson is icon of the century! He beat Marilyn Monroe, Martin Luther King, Princess Diana, even Adolf Hitler! Read more about it here.

The author of The Joy Of Sex died today at the age of 80. Does anybody care? Damn, this thing is ugly, I can't even tell if it's a guy or a girl... I wonder if it ever experienced The Joys Of Sex? Nah. Read about it here.

Damn... Lately I have seen many threats towards freedom of speech on the internet, it is really becoming something that may not be around for a very long time... Freedom of Speech, you moron, not the Internet! Here is a perfect example of what I'm talking about.

Ball-Park Hot Dogs... Innocent? I think not. 34,500 pounds of Ball Park brand hot dogs have been recalled by the Sara Lee Corporation, because they might be contaminated with bacteria that can cause life-threatening infections. A military laboratory found listeria monocytogenes in a package of the hot dogs that had been distributed to an Army commissary, Sara Lee spokeswoman Theresa Herlevsen said Monday. No illnesses have been reported in connection with the meat. But hey, it's worth it right? It's all part of the American Dream. The packages bear the code "APR03 EST 12PAB." This means "Don't eat me." It's just in a special language that only the people at Sara-Lee know. Hey, they give us a fair warning.

On Sunday, the Health Ministry of Mexico announced that one of Mexico's 14 million smokers could win 100,000 pesos if he or she can kick the habit for 28 days. 100,000 pesos is roughly $3.50 in American Currency. Can anyone say... Nicorette? Read more about the 'contest' here. Smoking can cause lung cancer... And if you get lung cancer, it might decrease your ability to take part in ThunderBall - The sport of the future!

Okay, I'm tired... Goodnight.

3.28(5:49PM):// Windows Media Player 7 Beta
This version of Windows Media Player looks better then most MP3 players, possibly even WinAmp. It is only in it's beta, but it's skinnable, and... Well, check it out.

3.28(4:48PM):// Swatch: Internet Time?
I can't really tell if this is going to become a big thing or not, it's hard to say. I heard about this like about half a year ago, but ummm... Click here to read more about Show Internet Time, a freeware utility that sits in your icon tray and displays the current "internet time." For more info about all this crap, you can go to www.swatch.com, or to download the program itself, go to the link mentioned above. If I start to hear more about this, I might just start posting the "internet time" along with the normal time in my posts, but for now, I'm just gonna keep it how it is. Damn, this text is ugly to look at, I need someone to help me "spice up" the main.html page. Damn, that was a queer way of putting it.

3.28(4:12PM):// Blair's Evil Offspring.
Calvin169: In regards to my history teacher not approving my term paper sources, Bryan Fishburn decided to write the following...

"Bryan41384: yeah, you should go in and give force feed her rat poisoning and then laugh when she starts foaming at the mouth and all of her internal organs get eaten away and say you gonna approve that source you dike!?"

Calvin169: Post that on your site.

Caution: Bryan's dad curb's little boys, much in the same manner as that portrayed in American History X. And remember, only a witch would call a dog by it's full name.

If you don't like the fact that some of the posts on my site are based on inside jokes, and stuff that the general public wouldn't find to be interesting and/or make any sense, then you can go blow a llama, because I make this website to keep me occupied, if you don't like it, go somewhere else.

3.28(7:35AM):// Blow Up The Outside World.
"The World's Most Desirable Women!" African Brides! Order now, and get a free frisbee that says "America or Bust!"

Discount Babies! Haha, I thought that was pretty damn funny.

What a freakin' pervert. They caught some kid videotaping girls inside of tanning beds. You can click here to read about it, but I'd be willing to bet $10K that those chicks weren't as hot as the Cheerleader Ninja's!

Guy's Only, all my female readers will wanna skip this one... Mardi Gras Pics!

Also, check out the sweet layout on this site. Um, yeah, I MADE THAT!

Okay, I gotta go to school now, this sucks because I'm tired as hell, and I'm like half an hour late, heh. More later today.