Your Ass Smells Like A Rose! 5.18 2:49 PM
		Well, it's been a few days since I updated, because I was busy. With what? Life. Some huge black kid wants to beat my ass, and this kid is like known all over the area for being an amazing boxer. So that's just my luck. I threw a battery during lunch, and I accidentally hit him, and today like four different people have told me to watch out. So that kinda sucks. If the updates ont his page come to an unexplained halt, at last now you'll know why. I'm wierd in the way that I can laugh this kinda stuff off. I know it's not a joke, my life is probably in danger right now, but I was cracking up about it today at school. Anyway, we'll see what happens. I had a chance to play Mario Advanced for the Game Boy Advance, and it is really damn cool, it looks as good as Super Nintendo, possibly even better. It was alot of fun, I would buy one, but they are about $200 right now. Damn, Angelina Jolie is an absolute goddess. A deer crashed through a window into a kindergarten classroom yesterday while 28 students were present. That'd be pretty cool, how come that kind of stuff never happened to me when I was in grade school? Anyway, click here to read more. This is a hell of alot of fun. Send the link to one of your friends, and challenge each other in one of many games, almost all of which are alot of fun! I swear to God, some kids are so stupid. When I was 13, if I had a teacher that was relatively hot, and she was sexually attracted to me, the last thing I would do would be to go to the police, or any form of authority for that matter. I would take advantage of it. If she was hot, I'd do what any average heterosexual male would do - Give in to whatever she was trying to do. Also, you could probably get her to give you all A's if you knew what you were doing. Well, the kid in this article told on the teacher, and got her in trouble... That's just wrong! Kids getting ass at school isn't the only thing going on in these "places of learning"... A 14-year-old Fees Middle School student was suspended after he reportedly gave brownies laced with marijuana to a dozen classmates and one of them became ill. Being able to dispose of evidence bye ating it is a wonderful, wonderful thing - I mean, in this case, it's a win-win situation, right? Anyway, click here to read the full article. I love roller coasters. There is not a roller coaster in the world that I wouldn't get on... Well, unless it was one of those cheap ones that was put together by a drunken carnival freak at one of those traveling carnivals, in which case, I might pass. But anyway, if you like rollercoasters, check this out. My favorite park is Hershey Park, I used to go there alot before I moved to Philly, and they have some great rollercoasters there. Pac Man? Racist? Hmm... This is pretty funny. I had no idea that there were this many file types. Kalpol Intro is a pretty cool site, check it out. Oh yeah, and while you're at it, check out Syco's Asylum, Maximinus Thrax, and Non Phixion.

How Does It Feel To Be A Complete Unknown? 5.15 6:43 PM
		I started my job yesterday, and when I got home I was pretty tired, that's why I didn't update. But I'm working at a little Dollar Store, it kinda sucks... But I need money, so whatever. The Supreme Court handed medical marijuana users a major defeat Monday, ruling that a federal law classifying the drug as illegal has no exception for ill patients. The 8-0 decision was a major disappointment to many sufferers of AIDS, cancer, multiple sclerosis and other illnesses. Wow, that's ashame, but what do you expect from the US government? Click here to read more. Could this possibly be true? No, probably not. Okay, I know this is really gay, but... Who Let The Dogs Out? I know, I know... As far as having a blast with your friends goes, this is the definitive photo album. The lead singer of REM is gay? Tell me something I don't already know. Actually, to be honest, it never dawned on me that he was gay, I just never looked at him in that way. Haha, this is a good name for a death metal record label: Kill Yourself Records. Well, I have a bunch of school crap to do, so that's it for this update. Much love, honkeys.

It's Always Raining In My Head 5.13 10:51 PM
		Saturday morning my parents drove me down to Harrisburg, because they were going out in that direction (to York) to pick up my sister from college. On the way down their, I shit you not, I must have sen at least 10 dead animals on the side of the road. Now,t hat might not sound like anything out-of-the-ordinary, but hear me out. These animals weren't just dead. This was like holocaust footage or something. The animals I saw were completely pureed on the road. My theory is that some crazy Iraqis went out with a few rocket launchers Friday night and had some fun. Seriously though, I have never seen anything like this in all my life. At the spots where I saw some of these animals, the highway was literally painted with blood. Alright, anyway, on to the next thing... Since today is Mother's Day, I thought I'd try and think of a women who has the least chances of ever actually becoming a mother. Someone who couldn't get knocked up if her life depended on it. I narrowed it down to two fine young ladies: Janet Reno and Shelly Duvall. I'm sure there are alot of other worthy candidates, but my mind is blank right now. Yeah, that was pretty freakin' gay, I know. Whatever, I'm going to bed.

I've Been Programmed To Take It All... 5.12 1:59 AM
		FilePile.org definitely has potential... Someone go upload some porno, and get it started. You're never to old for... LION KING VIDEO CLIPS! Oh, wait... Nevermind. But I actually did watch a few of those clips. I used to know like every word to that damn movie. How about some music videos? I dunno why I never post my fan signs... I have so many of them. I will put them in a section sooner or later, I'm just really lazy. Anyway, tommorow morning (or should I say this morning...) I am going to Harrisburg, so I wont be updating much this weekend. Oh, and Lydia, if ya read this... Of course I don't hate you. We're still getting married... Right?

They Call Me 'The Gangster Of Love' 5.11 5:29 PM
		Um, this is actually kinda scary. Well, not really, but it's enough to keep me away from heavy drugs. That's the kinda stuff they should be showing to kids in school, not those fake-ass scenarios, where a kid is forced to try drugs by bullies or whatever. Here is an ingenius way of getting out of a speeding ticket... Although you might end up spending some time in jail instead of you actually tried this out. Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the blonde bitch who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There's a body in the trunk? Driver: Yes sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation. Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. Captain: Whose car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The registration is valid. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it? Driver: Gun? What gun? I don't even own a gun. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it. Driver: I said what? The trunk is opened, it's empty. Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet that lying son of a bitch told you I was speeding too! Yeah, I'm sure that'd work out fine. Well, it might... If you had some ninjas.

Leave Me Alone. 5.10 10:21 PM
		That April chick who called me like two weeks ago called me again today, and I hung up on her. It's pissing me off, I wanna know who the hell she is. Click here to make one of those 3-D stereogram things... I never could get myself to see one, they always gave me a headache. This is pretty funny. Return To Castle Wolfenstein looks incredibly cool. If this article is true (I'm skeptical), I will be a very happy young man. Aliens - Do they exist? No. When New York City police detectives found a homeless man's body in a metal container, they dubbed the case ``bum in a drum.'' And a double homicide involving an obese person and an amputee became known as the ``tubs and stubs'' case. The nicknames were never intended to be discussed outside the confines of the homicide unit office. Instead, researchers on the topic say, it was a way of using dark humor to deflect the discomfort of facing horrible sides of human behavior in order to objectively investigate a crime. [More] Carver County prosecutors charged a state trooper Wednesday with cruelty to an animal for his involvement in the death of a wild turkey that some in Chaska had befriended. Trooper Mark Lund is accused of the misdemeanor after running over the bird with his vehicle and twisting it by the head on May 3, authorities said. [More] State government is stepping out of Arizona's bedrooms. In a surprise move Tuesday, Gov. Jane Hull ignored pleas from thousands of constituents and signed into law a bill that repeals a ban on sodomy, oral sex and cohabitation. [More] A British woman was killed in Athens yesterday when a bomb she was carrying in her car exploded. Police investigators think that her rottweiller probably set off the remote control detonator. Susan-Mary Aris, 49, apparently intended to plant the device at the premises of nightclub rivals allegedly responsible for murdering two of her associates. [More] Los Angeles Lakers center Shaquille O'Neal apologized Tuesday for joking on a recent radio show that he had sex with several celebrities. O'Neal mentioned model Cindy Crawford, tennis star Venus Williams and singer-actress Aaliyah during the radio talk show last week. [More] Actor Woody Harrelson was back in San Francisco Monday, barefoot and promoting his eco-activism agenda. But instead of being fined for scaling the Golden Gate Bridge, this time he was stopped by police for running a stop sign on his bicycle. [More] A man who fell asleep in a city garbage bin was picked up by a rubbish truck, compacted and dumped into a landfill site yesterday. The 36-year-old was only minutes away from being further crushed when he was found by two men dumping garbage at the landfill site. [More] A project that began three decades ago using gerbils as a secret way to sniff out narcotics and capture terrorists is evolving into a tool for ridding war-ravaged Africa of land mines. [More] Damn, that's alot of news articles. Be sure to check out Falkware.com, Look Itz Wess, and Boring Man. I have alot of school work to do, a huge test tommorow, and I'm going away this weekend, so... No more update.

Burgelviest 5.09 4:59 PM
		I was just watching the news, and there is a hostage situation in some bank in Cali right now. (Well, I'm typing this at about 4:00 PM.) A controversial US study suggests that gay people can become heterosexual if they really want to. The finding flies in the face of the established scientific opinion that sexual orientation is fixed. Critics say many of the people who took part in the study may have been pressured to believe that being gay was wrong. It has also been vehemently attacked by gay rights activists. Well of course it was... Anyway, I think that's pretty interesting, click here to read more, or, click here for another article on the same topic. An Aurora woman was in critical condition Tuesday after a naked man jumped out of his car and pummeled her with rocks as she walked her dog. Umm, yeah. Read more here. An Austrian girl was bitten by 150 ticks in what doctors say appears to be a record blood-sucking spree... Ouch. Here's the full story.

POOPFART 5.08 8:44 PM
		The new Tool CD has been leaked out onto the net - Yes, all 13 tracks, not that 9 track one that has been around for a few days now. I haven't listened to it yet, but I'm sure it's gonna be great - I'm downloading it as I type this. Yes, I do plan on buying the album when it hits stores, because Tool is a phenominal band, and they deserve alot of support. But I might post it on here, I'm just not sure if I should - I don't want to get my bandwidth raped. We'll see. For now, though, 7 of the tracks can be obtained here. I have been reading George Carlin's book, "Brain Droppings", and there are some quotes in there that I thought were pretty damn funny... I figured I'd post some of 'em on here, so here are a few. "Last year, in Los Angeles, a robber threatened a store owner with a syringe that he claimed had HIV on it, saying "Give me the money or I'll give you AIDS." You know what I would've told him? "If you give me AIDS I'm gonna find your wife and daughter and fuck them."" "The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives." "There should be some things we don't name, so we can just sit around all day and wonder what they are." "The child molestor skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work." "Things you don't want to hear: "Jeff? We're going to have to break your skull again and reset it. Okay? It's way out of line. It looks really strange. But we won't do it until we've opened up that incision and put some more fire ants inside of you. Okay?" "It's better if an entire family gets Alzheimer's disease. Thatw ay they can all sit around and wonder who they are." "She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ecer came acorss." "I think it would be fun to go on "Jeopardy" and never buzz in. Just stand there for half an hour, never talk, and then go home." "A graveyard always has to start with a single body. Unless the local people get lucky and there's a nice big bus accident in town." "Which is more immoral? Killing two 100-pound people, or killing one 300-pound person?" "In England in 1830, William Hukkison became the first person ever run over by a raoilroad train. Wouldn't that make you feel stupid? For millions and millions of years, there were no trains and then suddenly they have trains and you get run over?" "Kids are now being born with syphilis and cocaine habits. There's nothing like waking up your second day on Earth and realizing that once you kick cocaine you're still gonna have the syph. And hey, kids! If you didn't get VD in the womb, don't worry, you still have a shot. Some toddlers recently picked up gonorrhea at a day care center." "I think we've outgrown the word gripe. When everyone has automatic weapons, a word like gripe is sort of irrelevant." "How likely is it that all the people that are described as missing are living in a small town somewhere?" "You know you're in trouble when you look behind the clerk and see one of your personal checks displayed on the wall as an example of why the store does not accept personal checks." "There is a new British rock band called So Long, Mate! During each performance one member is ritually slaughtered. The music has a certain urgency, but the tours are nice and short. About five days." "I'm starting a campaign to have Finland removed as a country. We don't need it." "I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie." Wow, I typed up alot more of those then I had planned on. I think most of them are pretty funny, hopefully you will too, or else I just wasted half a n hour typing those up for no reason at all. Okay, here's a few news articles. 21-year-old "Amy" May is not allowed to shower or change clothes in the women's locker room on campus because she, used to be a he. [More] Young Amish men and women are drinking, then getting into buggies to drive home. Sometimes, the teens pass out leaving their horses to find the way home. [More] Friends of Pamela Anderson are concerned over what one describes as the out of control recent behavior of the former Baywatch babe. [More] With the help of a carnival crusader, undercover police officers shut down a popular game that was rigged to cheat players, especially children. Damn carnies! [More] How evil are you? Find out here. Well, I've got alot of homework to do, so here's one last link: Arse Racing!

One More Medicated Peaceful Moment 5.07 9:03 PM
		If you're a fan of System Of A Down, and I know I sure am, then check out serjicalstrike.com. Serj Tankian, lead singer of System Of A Down, is the one who runs the site, and it includes work by some of the bands signed to his record label, as well as some of his poetry. If you're into Asian chicks, check out Original Honeys - That should keep you busy for a little while. Looks like I made the news again. Hey, kids! Try nicotine candy - It's good for you! Oh yeah, and there's bad news too. Looks like your two favorite kid stars won't be stars for long - Or at least not in the way that you're used to - look. Personally, I was a pretty big fan of the first two Jurassic Park movies, and now the trailer for the third one is available for viewing: Click here to check it out. I just can't wait for the new Tool album. It comes out on May 15th, and I haven't been this excited about a CD for a while. If you're a Tool fan as well, check out The Tool Page for tons of Tool stuff... It's probably the best site on the band on the net. Three bucks for a gallon of gas - Possibly by this summer? Damn. I actually feel kinda bad for Daryl Strawberry, this whole drug thing has gotta be tough. Read the latest news here. Ever wonder what Britney Spears would look like as a vampire? Click here to find out, or here for other celebrities.

One High Nigga Pie 5.05 7:27 PM
		I didn't update last night because I was out, and I had to be in early, because I had SATs this morning. They were a little harder than I expected, but I got an 1160 on PSATs, so I should do fine. This site cracks me up, even though I know it's not real. Speaking of fake stuff, send this link to all of your friends, it will probably fool 99% of them. Mayumi Ogawa was stabbed to death by an attacker wearing a panda's head costume in Sumida Park. Hours earlier another young woman escaped from a man wearing the same disguise after he lunged at her with a knife. That's pretty wierd... But hey, to each his own. Read about it here. Yeah, Asian news is always a little on the odd side. PLEASE LISTEN TO MY FARTINGS A high school substitute teacher was fired after taking off her shirt in class and teaching in her sports bra. Dana Gibson, 43, of Morro Bay, said she taught the Spanish class in her bra as a joke after a student complained the class was boring. Read more here. Extreme Ironing - It's extreme. I was looking through my favorite gadget site, and I found this hoverboard. I need one.

Still Smokin' 5.03 7:19 AM
		I went on a field trip with my English class yesterday, we went to New York, but for some reason, we were in New Jersey 90% of the trip. All of the chaperones were like 19-year-olds, so none of the groups actually went to the places we were supposed to go (Statue of Liberty, etc). Instead, we just chilled all day in restaurants and parks and stuff. The bus ride was pretty crazy though, we had a huge food fight, and I ended up having to clean most of it up, so that kinda sucks. I had to stay on the bus after everyone else left and sweep the shit up. Well, that's the way things work. With ideas like this one being looked at realistically, I'm surprised there aren't more people moving to the Netherlands. Supermodel Niki Taylor was in a car accident on Tuesday, and was reported to be in critical condition. That sucks. A high school student has been sentenced to death for killing his principal's son and daughter and two other relatives after being expelled for truancy, a newspaper said Wednesday. Wow, Asian people are chodes. Read more here. Go here to read about 'Hannibal', the farmer-mauling pig. Fatties need to learn to keep their bellies to themselves. Why? Because. I have seen so many news articles about kids imitating 'Jackass' that I'm starting to consider what they are saying. I can understand why the media would be concerned, but the kids who light themselves on fire just because they saw it on TV are morons. If they didn't see it on TV, someone would dare them to do something similiar eventually anyway, so they'd end up dead either way. Well, probably. Don't hate me for thinking so... Wow, that was a creative plug! One point for John.

Carnivorous Fantasies 5.01 6:30 PM
		Alright, when I get in trouble, I'm not always a victim, sometimes I am at fault, but lately I have been getting in trouble for the stupidest stuff. Today, out in the hallway, as a joke, I shoved this kid Kevin, and he jokingly shoved me back. About five seconds later, I feel a hand slam down on my shoulder, and I turn around, this midget teacher guy is standing there with his arms folder, and he's like "Give me your school ID." I was like, "What the hell", and he started saying something about insubordination, so I just took out my ID and gave it to him. Then he went and found my first block teacher and told her I was fighting someone in the hallway, even though both of us told this little shit that we were just joking. Anyway, after that period, I was out in the hallway with some friends, waiting for the bell to ring, and I was playing with this field hockey ball. There were like two other people in the hallway, so I just bounced it against the locker, and then caught it. Once again, that short little shit of a teacher comes running up to me, grabs the ball, and starts to walk away. I told him it wasn't mine, and he said he didn't care. Then he turns around and says, "You know what? I've had just about enough of you." He went and found my second block teacher and told her that I was misbehaving in the hallway, and that I had been in some kind of brawl earlier in the morning. Now I'm not allowed in the hall between classes for like a month. That's such a load of crap... I don't even know this midget teacher guy, but I already hate him. Anyway, that was the "highlight" of my day. Tommorow, I am going on a field trip to Ellis Island in New York, that should be fun. The new Tool single, "Schism", got leaked onto the internet a few days ago, and I love it. You can grab the song here, or just get it off of my page, right now it's the featured MP3. Hey, this is pretty damn cool! Spontaneous combustion? It happens, folks. Well, maybe not, but look at this. Anyway, no more wierd links for today folks, I have stuff to do.

HEy Ladiez WAsuuh!!!!!1 4.29 6:11 PM
		Yardwork is a bitch. I just mowed the lawn, trimmed the edges, and weeded a bunch of stuff. Isn't Sunday supposed to be a day of rest? Anyway, I didn't update yesterday, because there was a big community yardsale here in Drexel Park, I made a nice amount of money too. Then I went out with some friends to Taco Bell, and went miniature golfing and stuff. Well, I didn't really golf, I was just messing with people and stuff. We did some pretty funny stuff. Anyway, enough about that. I have heard of hardware stores not selling spray paint to minors because of it's "potentially harmful uses", but a store refusing to sell toilet paper? That's just retarted. Who the hell toilet papers people's houses anyway? That's only fun if it's raining out, because it will leave mush everywhere... Anyway, click here to read about the toilet paper policy of a particular store. Paintball guns are so much more fun then toilet paper... Except for when this homo shoots you in the leg with one, then they kinda suck for a while. MONORALEZ ROOL!!!!1 I think that this Simpson's wrestling game looks like alot of fun. I rarely buy video games, but I might consider getting this. Linux on PS2? Nice. Too bad it will probably never make it to US shores... Hey, it looks like Jenna Bush and I have something in common after all! Colibri lighters are just too damn cool - They're alot of fun, even just to sit around and play with. Don't bother asking me how I got them, but I used to have one of these, one of these, and one of these. I also had one other one that I couldn't find on the page. They were so sweet... Until my parents found them and threw them out, but that was in like 7th grade. This is really cool - If anyone tries it out (yeah, right) let me know. Okay, this is just wierd. CRYhSAT: YO DUDUE HI WHATS UP MAN MY NAME IS MR TECHNO DJ()872093847098723 I FOROGOT YO PUT ON THEH TECHNO MUSIC HTAT THE PARTYW@@!!~~13 Music Videos » TV Episodes

Hyper Ballad 4.27 7:29 PM
		Due to popular demand, I decided to sell CHODE SHIRTS, just like the uber-cool one that I have. So click here to get yours! As fake as it may seem, this page just seems so wrong (and disgusting) to me. Wow, this is kinda freaky. I dunno what else to post right now, my mind is blank (which is pretty wierd, this never usually happens...) So here are a bunch of wierd links. This chick is a major weirdo... These guys are a bunch of queers... This guy is awesome... These chicks are a bunch of freaks... And this site is just messed-up.

[INSERT CHODE HERE] 4.26 9:36 PM
		I love emulators and stuff, so naturally this thing was amusing to me. It's a java game boy emulator, meaning you don't have to download anything, just go to the site, and start playing! Haha, there is a gay porn star that looks like Eminem - That's pretty damn funny. Read the article about it here. Oh yeah, a couple people have e-mailed me saying that they heard Eminem will be posing nude in an upcoming magazine, but I didn't think it was true... I just found this article, and I guess maybe those people were right after all. I was pretty sure that this would happen from the start: The XFL is going down, for good! At least it seems that way... Anyway, read about it here. Wow, this is amazing, I love all that 3-D interactive crap. In fact, the whole site is cool. FCUK. This is one big joint. I wonder what would happen if one person smoked the entire thing? Has anyone ever been that high before? Now that I think about it, it would really, really suck to have anal warts. But I try not to think about that kinda stuff too often.

'Why Ask The Human Question, The Need To Hate?' 4.24 6:19 PM
		Wow, Synthetical, previously known as DJ Cyberfunk, is burning up the charts over at MP3.com. Everyone head on over to his page and support him, he deserves it. Damn, this weather is crazy. I mowed the lawn two days ago. I came home from school today, and the grass was like twice as high as it was when I first mowed it. Pretty wierd. I really haven't been updating much lately. More often than not, I am punished from being on the computer, for one reason or another. So if it seems as if I am neglecting the page, in reality, I'm probably grounded. So what's been going on with me lately? Yesterday, something really wierd happened. The phone rang, on my mom answered, she said it was for me. So I got on, and this girl, whose voice I didn't recognize, started talking to me. At first, I was trying to not to sound like an ass and say "do I know you?", so my mind was racing. Finally, I had no idea who it was, and I asked. She said her name was April. I still didn't know who this chick was, so I kept asking questions. She said I gave her my number like a month ago, and that she wanted to meet me this weekend, and "get her mack on". By this point, it was kinda wierding me out... I figured maybe it was a prank call, but how the hell would she know my last name, how old I am, what school I go to, and some other details, if it was just a prank call? She started telling me that she liked me, and that she wanted to hook up. When I asked her what she looked like, thinking maybe it would help me remember who she was, she told me that she had "big titties." Yeah, that helps me alot. She kept asking me when I wanted to meet her, and, confused as I was, I just kept putting her off. Anyway, I told her I had to eat dinner, and got off the phone, and I haven't heard from her since, but she said she was gonna call back, and make plans to meet me this weekend. Isn't that pretty damn wierd? I think so. Oh yeah, a few days ago, I saw the movie "Rounders" - I definitely think you should see this movie, no matter what type of films you are into. Edward Norton was great in it, and he is one of my favorite actors... Check it out sometime. Haha, this picture (to the left) was kinda difficult to obtain, but it was definitely worth the persuading. When asked what the sign was for, I replied "Umm, it's for my Senior Project, it's to prove I have good social skills." He finally agreed to let Dustin take the picture, but he held the sign in front of his face, which sucks. Click on the image to see it's full-sized version. I have some more images liek this one, which I will probably post another time. By the way, that's me in photo with the Deftones shirt on. The host on NBC's new game show, "Weakest Link", really, really gets on my nerves. Watch that damn show just once, and you'll see exactly what I mean. I watched the whole show last night, and I was ready to punch through a wall, if I was on that show they'd need some beefed up security to keep me from attacking her - Especially if she said "goodbye" to me the way she does to all of the other "weakest links"... Damn, that's insanely annoying! By now you probably think I am obsessed with Tropicana Lolita, mentioning her in almost every post, but I had to do it this time. Why? It's her birthday! So everyone go and wish her a happy birthday. Do it now. No, drop what you're doing, and go do it... You lazy bastard. I got another interesting e-mail about regarding the recent complaint about this site... Here it is. From: "Andrew d'Alton" Subject: your site Date: Sun, 22 Apr 2001 14:11:44 Hey John, After reading that you have got into "trouble" over your site, I have been rather confused to be honest. I cannot see what is wrong with the content on your site, I mean it contains a disclaimer and I see no reason that people can get offended by it. I have been reading your site ever since I was a student in Germany, it was the only thing that i looked at every day and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I am now living in Ireland, just so you know that some of us on this side of the Atlantic have read your site !!! I read your site every day and really enjoy it. Don't mind anyone that is too small minded to realise that the site is a bit of fun, I am sure that there are more people like me that love your site and we outnumber those who don't !!! Keep posting !!!! Andrew d'Alton (Ireland) Nice, John's Crawlspace has gone international! Andrew, you're just as confused as me - Aside from the "Everyday Hotties" galleries, and some of the Camgirl pics, I seriously don't understand what people would find wrong with this site. But I already established that, so on to the next thing. "Now be a good little boy and go to bed, or else The Stool Fairy won't leave you any presents!" Speaking of going to bed... I think I'm gonna... go... to bed... Wow, that didn't really sound all that great. Anyway, check out 5th Dimension, because it's cooler than a polarbears toenails, and believe me, it doesn't get much cooler than that. Damn I'm great.

Uh Huh 4.22 7:35 PM
		"We 'bout it 'bout it right, cuz we hellza hellza tight" - That has gotta be the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Where did I hear it? At this page, but don't even bother. Hired To Kill has alot of cool new stuff on their site. Aside from all the hot chicks, they now have some full-version games up for grabs, as well as some MP3s and - Well, just check it out. Wow, this "Am I ___ Or Not" stuff has gone way too far. Now somebody made Am I All Your Base Or Not", and if you ask me, it's really not funny anymore. Check it out, this site has a bunch of Jackass episodes up for you to download - Pretty cool. Hey, everyone do Tropicana Lolita a favor - Go here and vote for her, she deserves to win! Plugs: VIDA, Wubby, and Inballanced.com.

Chinky Chinky Bang Bang 4.19 10:34 PM
		Well, it looks like it's gonna be another few days until I post on here again. Why? I got in trouble again, what else is new. So I'm on some list, big deal, right? Anyway, I'll be back soon - And then gone again, and then back a few days after that, over and over again. "What religion are you?" ... "Oh, I'm a Jedi." For the most part, I'd say that white rappers just flat out suck. But I found one in particular that is just plain horrible. This homo, known as "T.r.E.E", has got to be the worst rapper ever. If you ask me, white people should just refrain from rapping altogether - Yes, even Necro, that guy is deranged. The only white rapper I like is Slim Shady. Which is wierd, because I don't just like him, he is one of my favorite artists out of all genres. Anyway, if you're white, and your name isn't Marshall Mathers, please don't rap, or I'mma sic mah nigz all up on dat azz. Want to see what's inside of your favorite gadget? Before you break it apart, head on over to Toy Autopsy! Woah, look, it's Jesus! Oh, no, wait... That was just a leaf, nevermind. Sorry about that. Baby-changing stations - You see them in public restrooms around the world. But are they really used for changing babies' diapers? Or for crushing them? Umm... I don't like this. No, I don't like it at all. It would suck to have the hiccups 24/7/365, but it would suck even worse to find a slug in your rice-krispy treat. Ugh, imagine if you bit into it - Creamy goodness!

I Own The Camaro, And The Mobile Home. 4.18 6:31 PM
		Here's an e-mail I recieved yesterday regarding the recent complaints about my website. From: "Grant Benson" Date: Sat, 14 Apr 2001 16:03:11 -0700 Hey John, Been visiting the crawlspace on a regular basis for quite some time now, got turned on to it by t0a5t and Ravi. I just felt an urge to write and express my outrage that some insecure prick took it upon themself to take action against something as harmless as your site. When I first started visiting I took notice of how clean and reserved your site was: no nudity, no excessive swearing, no stuffing kittens in mason jars. In your posts you always present a biased view of any covered story, as anyone except the most skilled of journalists would, but the bias is always from a seemingly ethical standpoint. If your cherished nemisis can't understand this, then they obviously did not read the disclaimer and/or have no sense of humor in and of themself. As of the portrayal of that this site presents of you, you seem to be more or less like me. A fairly articulate person trying to have a little fun in life who has some knowledge of computers, a will to express yourself, and the means to do so. I hope that in writing this letter, I can somehow assuage your aggressors and help them to see how innocuous your site really is. Or at the very least, encourage you to continue updating what i'm sure many people consider a quality site. Good luck in your efforts, and thank you. Sincerely, Grant Benson Wow, this guy is alot better at wording things than I am. It's nice that people actually enjoy my site enough that they care when it goes down, and that they'd take time to e-mail me about it. I'm sure I only have a small number of visitors who are actually "real fans", who come here on a regular basis, but I just want to say thanks to all of you who keep coming here, and inspiring me to keep the site up in the first place. Okay, I got a little too mushy their for a second. Damn, people are so touchy these days. Make a guys penis dissapear with some black magic, and they'll just flip out! Click here to find out what I'm talking about. Wow, talk about irony - Some chinese guy with a wierd name (what else is new) set himself on fire, and got charged with arson - Damn. Read about it here. Well, I just keep on getting in trouble for the most ridiculous stuff. I can't even write about it on my website now, which I guess I understand, because it portrays me in a bad way, but... I wish I could express myself more freely on here. Well, when I get to college, all that will change. Anyway, I have to go, I'm not allowed to be on here, so go check out urth's personal site, he's the guy who runs Zero Signal, which is a great source for music news.

Nothing Better Than A Fresh New Band! 4.17 5:31 PM
		Never, in the history of time, has a greater band existed. I simply cannot believe that I lived my life as long as I have while being completely unaware of this band. Ladies and Gentlemen, I now present to you - "Chodes." Does it get any better than this? Could it possibly? Well, I'll let you decide, after you check out this next band, "Wider Than Long." These guys are gods! With songs like "The Long and Winding Chode" and Your Mom Is Hot", you know these guys are geniuses. Alright, if this shirt doesn't offend you, nothing will. Imagine what would happen if you wore that to school - Damn. Why does everybody wanna see this guy naked? I think everyone knew that DigiScents was going to go out of business sooner or later - Because who cares about digital smells? Anyway, here's the article. Woman swallowed by hi-tech toilet - Yeah, you sure as hell don't see stuff like that everyday. Speaking of toilets... This has gotta be the biggest load of crap I have read in awhile. If you use Yahoo! as your e-mail provider, well, sucks to be you. Why? Read this to find out more. I have no idea why, but these samaurai-sword attacks that have been in the news lately crack me up. I guess it's just because it's so odd, it seems like something that would happen on UCB. Anywhere, click here to read about the latest samaurai-sword incident.

She's A Supa Freak, Supa Freak 4.16 10:24 PM
		That hottie on the left is Erin. She run's a website, and it's called "A Well-Made Mistake". Check out her site, it's pretty cool, and she's very nice. Well, I got some bad news today. My friend Matt's older brother died. I actually knew him too, he was 20, and he died on Saturday in a dirtbike accident.You hear about people dying everyday, but it's just different when you've actually met the person several times before, and had conversations with him and stuff. Anyway, I hope this post didn't offend anyone. No bad language, no sexual references, nothing that could possibly offend anyone. Oh, and by the way, the title of this post didn't neccasarily have anything to do with Erin, it's the song I was listening to when I made this post. I have to be very careful with that kind of stuff now, don't I? I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea, God forbid.