John's Crawlspace

4.10(9:35PM):// Whatever.
Awww... This is so cute! Dead seal postcards! How sweet is that? Send them to that special someone. Also, just in time for Easter, Easter-Bunny Hunters Of America !

Gather the family together, huddle up around the computer, it's time to read The Unabombers Manifesto ! For more family-fun, be sure to check out The Morbid Fact Of The Day.

I found ReverseSpeech.com to be somewhat interesting, though I really doubt that some of this stuff is true. For example; Children speak backwards before they learn to speak forwards...? [Children Reversals]

Bored? Play some games, order an Asian-Bride, or read an interview with a necrophiliac. Some more wierd stuff: Diaper fetish? Eh... I have never heard of anything like that. Stick-Figure porn, this is pretty funny. "Hey, that's my house!" (Terraserver.) Take a tour of an abandoned missile silo. That's it for tonight.

4.10(6:25PM):// Blah.
Ever find it somewhat difficult breaking up with someone? Well, just be glad you don't have to go through this.

Are you as sick as I am of hearing about Elian Gonzales? I can't stand hearing about it anymore. Damn, it even inspired someone to make this website. It's not that big of a deal people!

Okay, you must check this out, its really cool. It's called YoBot, but I'm too lazy to explain it, so just check it out by clicking here.

Wow, isnt the internet such a blessing? Now, for all of us with less-fortunate pets, you can order some big meaty dog testicles for Spike, who might need them after the "snowblower accident." Order Now!

4.10(4:59PM):// Now It's Getting Interesting.
So I get home from detention today and check my e-mail. What do I find? Some more fan mail from my buddy "coma th3rty-se7en." Now he's threatening to sue me! Heres the e-mail, and note that the *'s were inserted by me to edit out language that I don't use on this page.

From: "coma th3rty-se7en"
Subject: Re: wtf?
Date: Sun, 9 Apr 2000 18:15:01

ok...now i can answer all of yr questions in a way you'll be able to understand.
1. actually, i did pass all of my English courses. but there's no use in wasting proper word skills on you, or anything that has to do with you.
2. i made the letter look like it came from the blonde in the pic, calling you her monkey. i was not calling her a monkey.
3. i've dated far prittier women than yr gurl in the pic.
4. believe me...i didn't waste more than 2 minutes on that fake email.
5. i didn't link you not because i don't have the balls...but i would refuse to give you any sort of traffic.
6. the "who types for you" comment was meant to be taken in this context...."hey...i know yr a f***in monkey who shits in his hand and eats it, and i know you can't type, let alone speak, so who types for you?"
7. i do believe mine was the first of what would qualify as "hate mail" sent to you because yr page really doesn't provoke any emotions whatsoever. the only reason you got an email frm me was beacause you said what you did abt my page. it's not an online journal and i still am trying to figure out how i could have organized it better.
8. yr name is spelled "j0hn Vantine" in every single email you sent to me....that's where i got that.
9. the next time you steal from my site....i will have you sued, stripped, sterilized, and destroyed. believe it...my site is a real site, not some f***ing free site. the company that hosts my site has lawyers...and we will sue. take EVERYTHING you have STOLEN from my page down or you will hear from our lawers. and i'm not f***ing around. yes, johnny boy, this includes the email i sent you. especially my email address.

hate,
coma
killrighty.com

end transmission

Let's see, where to start...? All I'm gonna say is that I'm not taking anything down. We live in America, the greatest country in the world, and "freedom of speech" is a right that I will not have taken away from me. Anything you say about me, send to me, etc, can and will be put on this site if I feel like it. Wanna sue me? That's fine, it just proves that you have nothing better to do at 23-years-old then sit on a computer and try to scare a teenager. Don't you have a job? Friends or family? Unlike the rest of the world, we can say what we want in America, so whatever, I'm not taking down anything. Its all about the way you present yourself; had you asked me nicely, instead of threatening me, I would have taken it down, I'm not benefiting from it bein on my page.

Okay, I'll post some more in a little while, I have some stuff to do.

4.10(7:05AM):// Snot-Puppet.
Sorry for not updating last night, I was like beyond tired. I don't have time to put much up here now because I gotta go to school, but I can promise you I'll have a big update for you a little later today.

4.9(2:59PM):// Quickie.
I'm not supposed to be on here, so this is gonna be a quick post.

Gun Totin' Granny. Too bad this didn't really happen, it woulda been funny. Click here for more Darwin Awards, and check out The Dialectizer if you're bored.

4.9(12:24PM):// Milkin This For All Its Worth!
I'm gettin as many posts as I can outta this whole "beef" with "coma th3rty-se7en". The newest post on his page is interesting, but I don't want you to have to go there in order to see it, so I'll just post it here.

Okay, I had to take it off because I didn't have "expressed permission" to reprint it from his page.

Since when is my name spelled "j0hn"? And nice grammar/punctuation/etc, I'm sure you passed all of your English courses with flying colors.

If you haven't already, everyone check out Cloud10, it's such a cool site and lately it has been getting better. Just check it out.

4.9(1:15AM):// Whose Gun Is That?
The side of me that all my friends love to see: Here.

4.8(6:19PM):// Someones A Little Sensitive!
Okay, a couple days ago I was lookin at some pages on the web when I stumbled across KillRighty.com. I figured it got a decent amount of hits, and it had nice content, so I mailed the guy, and asked him to trade links. He mailed me back and said ok, so I added his link to my links section with the following description.

"Basically an online journal, with a nice amount of content, worth a look, but could be a little bit better organized."

Then today when I was checkin' my e-mail, there was a letter in my inbox from him.

From: coma th3rty-se7en
Subject: wtf?
Date: Sat, 8 Apr 2000 16:29:55

j0hn,
yeah, so i check out yr page, and i see that my link says, "Basically an online journal, with a nice amount of content, worth a look, but could be a little bit better organized. " now i got a problem....which means you got a problem.
first, you asked me to trade links....which, i would assume, meant that you read the entire page and approved of the content. well...calling my page an online journal shows you spent 5 minutes on my site, read parts of the front page, looked at the images linked on the front, and then told me that you wanted to trade links. dude....my page is ALOT more than some kinda cheesy online journal. i have poems written by three different ppl, and a kick ass advice column, some of the best f***ing images on the net that HAVE NOT BEEN OVER USED. i have a total of 17 sections in my page....now, some of these do talk abt my personal experiences in life, but the majority of this page either has nothing to do with me, or talks abt things everyone can relate to.
and what's with this "could be better organized" bullshit? how would you organize this better? like yr site? making ppl click on another link to get to the gay ass pictures of you selling out with yr mountain dew, showing yr popular with the chicks. well, buddy boy....you need to grow up....remember...me linking you was a favor i was doing for you....get some respect....and also, how old are you? you look like yr 14. which means you shouldn't be looking at my site, and yr brain probably can't handle what i have to say. yr a f***ing popular kid. yr the type of kid i hated when i was in school, and i still hate yr type. hey...if i wanted to make a site like yrs, i could just steal shit frm stile all day long like you do, then totally bite his shit....then change the colors...yr page is so inder everyones feet, no one would even notice.
i didn't even like yr page...i was being nice by linking you....and now i am through being nice to you. remember, yr the one who told me i was the shit...yr the one who contacted me....yr the one who wanted to trade links....well...i'm done with this shit...just remember these things... come up with yr own "stile" a shit load of links to other sites is not a real site.... yr page layout is shitty... don't come to my site anymore, as it is illegal for anyone under 18 to look at the images i post
hate,
coma th3rty-se7en
killrighty.com

end transmission

I dunno, I think he got pretty upset over nothin' at all. I mean look at his site, he could have it better organized, I'm not saying that makes the site less likeable, it was just an observation. Okay, um, "coma th3rty-se7en", if you're readin this, what have I taken from Stile? Occasionally I might link an image from his site, mainly because I don't have room to upload images that I'm only going to use once. Selling out with my Mountain Dew pic, eh? Actually, everytime someone views that image, I get 7 cents from Pepsi... What did you want be to do, blur out the label on the drink? I bet you have never drank Mountain Dew before, just "Brand-X", am I correct? And where do you get off categorizing me as a "popular kid"? I might have fallen under that category 8 or 9 months ago, before I moved to this shithole, but... Okay, I'm gonna stop wasting my time with this.

Damn, it is so windy out, it is gonna rain like crazy tonight, I can tell. Well, I'm gonna get off now and start getting ready. Check out Sex In Video Games, its pretty funny.

4.8(1:22PM):// This Update Took A While To Do!
After viewing this site, all I can say is "What the hell?" Oh yeah, chances are, if you showed this to someone, they would be offended, to some extent.

Wow, a complete guide on how to win an argument. Um, if anyone actually uses it, lemme know how things went (ya loser).

Vanilla Ice - Is he dead? Hell no, he ain't dead! The Vanilla Ice Revolution hasn't even begun! He's coming back! Ninja Rap forever baby !

And now for something completely irrelevant... Eazy-E's Last Words.

If you're bored, check out The Beat-Down Police, it's a pretty cool site.

Okay, I'm quoting this directly from this page:

"South Park is another movie straight from the smoking pits of Hell. It is an incredibly dangerous movie for those who do not understand or are developing an understanding of the Gospel ....... INCREDIBLY dangerous."

Ummm... Yeah. Actually, I think that movie is hilarious.

If any of you like the group "Phish", check out this site. It has a whole bunch of live FTP sites where you can get ton's of mp3's, phish and others!

Well, I have some chores to do, and tonight is my school's sophomore dance, so I gotta get going. Damn you people, I need some space for MP3's! I need to be able to directly link them, so sites like NetDrive and 50Megs are out of the question. Please help me out.

4.8(1:59AM):// Yawn.
In my lifetime I have seen millions upon millions of pickle sites on the interet, but I must point out to my viewers that this one is, by far, the best.

Two websites that you won't see "trading links" anytime soon... Jew Watch and Jewhoo.

I am willing to bet any amount of money that this page was made by some nerdy white kid who steals money out of his moms purse to buy comic books.

The Beatles: A band that defined music for what it is today, or a bunch of Nazi-Devils? Read along and help me seperate fact from fiction:

"John Lennon would be foaming at the mouth, he'd have so many pills inside him... John began to go berserk on stage, prancing and groveling... The fact that the audience could not understand a word he said, provoked John into cries of `Sieg Heil!' and `Fucking Nazis' to which the audience invariably responded by laughing and clapping."

"While in Hamburg, John, each Sunday, would stand on the balcony, taunting the churchgoers as they walked to St. Joseph's. He attached a water-filled contraceptive to an effigy of Jesus and hung it out for the churchgoers to see. Once he urinated on the heads of three nuns."

"From the beginning, EMI created the myth of the Beatles' great popularity. In August of 1963, at their first major television appearance at the London Palladium, thousands of their fans supposedly rioted. The next day every mass-circulation newspaper in Great Britain carried a front page picture and story stating, "Police fought to hold back 1,000 squealing teenagers." Yet, the picture displayed in each newspaper was cropped so closely that only three or four of the "squealing teenagers" could be seen. The story was a fraud. According to a photographer on the scene, "There were no riots. I was there. We saw eight girls, even less than eight."

Are you laughing yet? This is (in my opinion) pure bullshit, straight from some religious-activist who is trying to brainwash our society. The page is pretty humorous, having read over it, half of the bands he mentions he didn't even spell the names correctly. If you're bored though, give this a read, it's actually sort of interesting, in a strange way.

Oh yeah, and for some more entertainment, read "the truth" about boy bands, by clicking here. This is so ridiculous, it isn't even funny!

Meet Rusty. Rusty is a homosexual. (This is hilarious)

4.7(5:34PM):// Dammit! (The Sequel)
The fags over at Liquid2K deleted like all of my mp3's! This blows. I seriously need some server space to upload mp3's, not even that many! Please people, I will give you whatever you want (Banners on my site, etc) if you gimme some space! Contact me about it if you are willing, thanks.

4.7(4:59PM):// Ha Ha Ha.
You must listen to this, it's Casey Kasum, the Radio DJ, flipping out and cursing live on the radio! I found it pretty amusing.

Also, club-a-seal! Snoop Dogg: You have a question? The $1395 Vibrator. Some cyber-boogers? The Spice... Guys? What does your phone number spell? (My old one was 774-POSH) And for all you wierdos out there with nothing better to do... Shopping-Cart abuse. C'mon guys, just leave the damn things alone!

4.7(4:39PM):// Dammit!
Altern.org wouldn't frekaing let me update last night, I had all this shit to post, but it wouldn't let me edit my files, so that was really gay.

Read this article, and then tell me that isn't an invasion of privacy. It's ridiculous, even if drugs are illegal, I think that a drug scanner of that power shouldn't have even been invented. I mean maybe for prison gaurds and stuff, but before you know it, cops will be out walking the streets with these things pointing them at cars and stuff.

Okay, heres some advice for you. If you're gonna go steal something valuable, say, for example, Mike Tyson's Championship Belt... Don't go and try to sell it on ebay.com. Isn't that sort of common sense? God, some people are just stupid. [More]

Turkey's Oil Wrestlers: Who are they? Basically, they're burly men who cover themselves in olive oil and grapple with each other wearing leather trousers. The wrestlers, their muscles rippling in olive oil under the hot sun, try to pin each other to the ground, and in their sport, putting your hand down the opponent's trousers to get a better grip is a common tactic. What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you read that description? If you think of your uncle, then you have some serious issues. But these guys don't consider themselves gay... In Turkey, it's a spectator sport. The surprising part of this story is that they don't want gays watching the sport. [More]

God-fearing Greek Cypriots were reassured on Monday that new identity cards will not bear the number "666", which Christian scriptures link to the devil. [More]

16-year prison sentence... For stealing a candy bar? [More]

Another school shooting... By a 33-year-old mother? [More]

Oh yeah, and Seinfeld is a dad.

4.6(5:21PM):// Miscellaneous.
A town 80 miles north of Philadelphia (yep, thats where I live) never even recieved their Census 2000 forms. It's such a tiny town that they figured the government (or whoever is in charge of distributing the forms) overlooked the town. Apparently that isn't what happened, but that is still sorta funny. [More]

Yep... Mount Etna is gonna erupt soon. Or maybe not, I didn't even read the article. If you care, click here, but I just thought that the smoke-ring picture was cool.

This article is very interesting, scientists from the European Media Laboratory in Heidelberg have demonstrated that 10 gigabytes of data can be stored on a roll of conventional adhesive tape. But who the hell has time to do stuff like that?

Can milk give you cancer? Find out. "Has anyone seen my pig?"

An Orkin Pest Control commercial featuring a realistic-looking cockroach crawling across the television screen of the viewer has been fooling alot of people lately. A lab technician from Maryland was so spooked that she ran to a neighbor's house, awakened him and asked him to kill the roach for her. When he couldn't find it, she woke another neighbor and asked her to do it. The second neighbor, who'd seen the ad, figured out she was chasing a TV image. That's pretty funny. [More]

You have all seen The Hamster Dance... Well, how many of you have seen The Hooker Dance? Yeah, that's what I thought.

I'm thinking of making it easier to edit this site by installing NewsPro. For those of you who know what I'm talking about, tell me what you think. As of now, I have been doing the posts manually, but I am gonna change the format of this site around a little bit soon, and I figured I might as well make it a little easier on myself.

Today during lunch, some kid punched one of the lunch monitor guys in the face, and then ran out of the cafeteria. When I got to graderoom after lunch, we were all looking out the window, and four cop cars pulled up. I bet that guys is in some trouble. Also, a few days ago, 3 Asian kids broke into a white guys house, thinking he wasn't there. Well, he was so they tied him up with phone cords and put a sock in his mouth, cut off some of his fingers and butchered the guy up, then took a video game and left. All that for a video game? That is pretty gay. Alot of people at my school who I have talked to about this knew one or two of the kids who did it. It was pretty close to where I live too, so that is pretty messed up.

Tupac: The last Inca?

4.6(3:37PM):// You Like Movies?
To all the lucky bastards out there with DSL and cable access, I have found some sites with full movies, music videos, etc. on them. When I wanna download something like this, I just leave my computer signed on all night, but that's annoying, half the time it just disconnects on its own or something. But anyway, here are the sites: Movies - Mirage Films - Stolen Box-Office

4.5(9:17PM):// Notice.
Did you know that hackers have come within two digits of cracking an 87-digit Russian security code that would have sent deadly missiles hurtling toward five of America's major cities? Not recently, but that is some heavy shit. Apparently they can turn your computer into a bomb as well, although if you ask me, that is pure bullshit. But if you're interested, read about it over here at Weekly World News, the most reliable news source... Ever. While you're over there, make sure you read about the sloth girl!

All the ladies out there, check out this cassinova. Move over Mahir - You've got some competition!

Aw, nothing is more heartwarming then fatherly love. A perfect example: A father, smashing the head of his 17-month-old son on the parking lot of a southwest Little Rock apartment complex, and then swinging the child's corpse like a club while attacking the officers who attempt to arrested him. They should put a picture of something like this on one of those Precious Moments cards. [More]

A man on trial in Easton, PA (I've been there before) today was awaiting his turn to testify in a telephone harassment case, when a 2 1/2 pound kangaroo jumped out of the guy's knapsack and started hopping around. Deputy Sheriff Sterling Miller said he thought that the man was joking when she asked him not to put the knapsack through the X-ray machine because there was a kangaroo inside. "When I reached for the bag, it moved," Miller said. "It scared the hell out of me, and I must admit, I did shit my pants." [More]

You know those census things you have been hearing about lately? Well, the deadline for them to be sent in was April 1st. Now that they have compiled all of the data and organized it, the government has come to the conclusiont hat there are 13,462 people living in America. Strange... In 1990, 248,734,129 people lived in this "great" country of ours... Where the hell did everyone go? "We don't think that everyone sent in their census forms," said officials. [More]

Have you ever wanted to change your astrological sign? Well, no one's stopping you, be my guest.

Okay, I am damn tired of summarizing articles tonight, so here: Conusl Of Ficticious Principality Arrested and Bare-All Candidate Livens Up Dull Elections.

4.4(6:59PM):// Notice.
For all the people that I have been promising to link lately, if you don't see your link on my site, don't hesitate to remind me, just IM me or something, I have been really busy lately and I forget to do little stuff like that all the time. Send me an e-mail, IM me, whatever you wanna do is fine.

A whole bunch of thunderstorms spawned a tornado in Alabama on Monday, which eventually blew apart a water-treatment plant, leaving chlorine everywhere. There was a significant amount of damage, trees were uprooted, and one resident of died after the storm ripped through a mobile home park in the town near the Alabama-Georgia state line. At least 30 homes were damaged, 15 of them destroyed, and six people were hospitilized. Isn't this typical of a trailer-park? Reminds me of The Wizard Of Oz or something. Well, read more about this destructive weather over here.

Cambodian Prime Minister Hun Sen said on Monday that he would consider revoking the licenses of Cambodian television stations if they continued to show "sexually provocative" programs. "I can withdraw the licenses from all TV stations and order them to stop broadcasting," he said, accusing the stations of showing "sexy young singers wearing short skirts." "If we all stop broadcasting for two years, maybe young Cambodian girls will stop wearing short skirts and start wearing more traditional clothes," the premier said at a Culture Day celebration in the former capital north Phnom Penh. "All TV stations, please do not let any sexy girls who are wearing short skirts perform on the platform of a concert," he said, referring to concerts often broadcast live on Khmer-language television. "If they are ugly, thats fine, but if looking at them gives me a boner, then it is prohibited." I think that's hilarious, the way he said "Please do not let any sexy girls who are wearing short skirts perform." It's like some feminist was holding a gun to his head. Either that, or he is gay. Changes are underway. Read more about it here.

If you wanna read about a hunter who shot a farmer dead that he mistook for a warthog, click here, but it's a very short article.

What is up with all of these online cemetaries and find a grave sites? I think they are really gay, and I can't see someone mourning over a computer image that represents what is left of their loved one. Maybe I'm just a cold-hearted guy, but I don't really think that's the case here. Oh yeah, wouldn't it suck to get ass cancer?

Motorists on a central New Orleans freeway were startled late on Sunday when a 450-pound black bear tumbled out of a circus truck and onto the road. [More]

Check out Skilla.com, it's a really nice looking site, I love the navigational method, and the art on the first page when you go there is simply amazing.

4.4(5:32PM):// The Seamy Side Of The Web.
This is pretty interesting, it is a real time display of that people are searching for over at Ask Jeeves. They have something like this over at Yahoo, but I don't feel like looking for the link, I'm too lazy. Damn Secret-Service Agents, always trying to get into my house.

Gnutella is a really cool program, like Napster, only it's better. I know I have posted about it before, but check it out. By the way, programs such as this have been stirring up some controversy in mainstream media lately. Read about it here, even though that article doesn't cover many of the recent lawsuits or anything that have been going on lately, mostly over Napster.

Not that it's a big deal or anything, but did you know that aliens have hidden bases all over Earth? Yeah, I saw one in my backyard last night, it was purple. It was pretty hot, I was gonna go outside and hit on it, but I didn't wanna wake up my parents. Where are those crazy bastards hiding? This site can tell you. Oh yeah, and in case your interested, here is the cure for AIDS.

I have alot more to post, but I have other shit to do off of the computer.I'll post some more later tonight... Unless I don't.

4.3(10:32PM):// Cranewars Cranewars CRANEWARS!
Philosophies of what? Oh, that? I bet people like Russ Meyer never have to do it... Well this might help. And having one of these couldn't hurt either. And while we're on the general topic, here's a guide for all you Roxanne's out there. Remember, you don't have to wear that red dress tonight... Rooooxaaaaane...

The coolest things in the world are Dippy-Birds. Remember the episode of The Simpsons when Homer lets it type on the keyboard for him? Okay guys, I am seriously running out of content here. This isn't the least bit interesting, it's really boring, and you know it. Next paragraph.

Heres some amusing/wierd stuff: A Pathetic Attempt At Racism, What Fags Do For Fun, The Poop-Psychic, The Strangest Story Ever Told, Jumpin' Jammerz, and Some Guy Who Obviously Dislikes Police.

8. "Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids."
7. "A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage."
6. "An 87-year old hooker awaits you. Alright, let's see you add '...between the sheets' to that one, smart guy."
5 . "Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application."
4. "Hope you enjoyed your dinner, Mr. Bond."
3. "Wipe that drool off your chin. That waitress you're ogling is Mr. Woo's number one son."
2. "Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck."
1. "Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup."

And now, in the spirit of whatever the hell that was, I present to my loyal viewers... Another gay site, Bad Cookie.

4.3(3:59PM):// More Shiznit.
Oh yeah, I forgot to add this one: A guy locked his mother in the closet for three days because she wouldn't give him money. Read more about that here.

4.3(3:29PM):// The 911 Virus: Umm... Don't Get It.
The FBI is now investigating a computer virus designed not only to erase hard drives, but also to dial 911 from the victim's computer. The virus may hide itself in folders named "chode," "foreskin" or "dickhair". Well, I have folders on my computer with names like that anyway, so I would never notice. Well, I'm sure those of you who have used AOL know how easily viruses are spread through "America's Leading Internet Provider", so a bunch of dumb AOL HaCKeRZ will get a file in the mail, and think it is some Pam Lee porno movie, and download it... And the virus is all set. You can read more about it here.

President Clinton will visit Colorado on April 12, just days before the Columbine school massacre anniversary, to support a proposed ballot initiative to require background checks for all gun sales at gun shows, the White House said today. [More...]

An autopsy was performed on a teletubby today, proving that these strange, hypnotic beings are not what they may appear to be. Much more research is needed to determine what they are and where they came from, and how they keep reproducing without having sex. [More...]

And in other news... Wang is a slut. [here] Prince William + Karoake = ? [here] The Hamsters - They're back, and they're pissed! [here] An in-depth history of everyones favorite word [here]

Still Hungry? Check The Past Updates.

Past·Updates