Yep, Napster is banning a bunch of users who had Metallica MP3's on their computers. It's been in the air for a while, but now it's final. [More]

"It's not charming when you have to see your baby attacked," Monica Garcia told Sonoma's City Council after her 16-month old son was jumped by a rooster. "Seeing the blood going down his face and seeing him screaming ... I can't sleep at night," she said. [More]

Representatives from a Detroit Museum and the family of the puppeteer who created Howdy Doody are set to meet in court to try to resolve an ownership dispute over the Doodyville cowboy. [More]

Hustler publisher Larry Flynt celebrated a victory over pornography opponents by taking part in the groundbreaking for a $1 million boutique that will sell sexually-oriented merchandise. "F*ck this court!" [More]

Images of a metallic, dog bone-shaped rock the size of New Jersey, an apparent leftover from an ancient, violent cosmic collision, were released by NASA on Thursday. I wish I could say it looks like a boner or something... But it really doesn't... [More]

Ohio's attorney general asked a federal appeals court Monday to reconsider a ruling that the state motto violates the Constitution as a government endorsement of religion. Attorney General Betty Montgomery maintained that the motto – "With God, all things are possible" – does not endorse a particular religion. "The First Amendment has always allowed our national, state and local governments to respectfully refer to God," Montgomery said. "The motto is a respectful statement of belief in a higher power that has inspired countless Ohioans." [More]

Some sick drug-smugglers stuffed their stash in the corpse of a young girl whom they had apparently killed in a foiled attempt to bring narcotics into the Gulf Arab region. [More]

Students attending a Friday night prom in a well-to-do suburb had more to worry about than finding the perfect dress or tuxedo. They had to hope their date cleared a police background check. "I'm sorry sir, but your dates name isn't really Stacey, it's Butch." [More]

On their Web site, the Movement Against the Monarchy said they planned the first ever mass public "mooning" outside Buckingham Palace. "We want 2,000 bare butts," said the MAM site. [More]

An English rugby fan dressed his dead father-in-law and tried to smuggle the body back home from Scotland on a tour bus. [More]

A United Arab Emirates court is to rule soon in a case where a Muslim man divorced his wife by just sending her an e-mail. Under Islamic law, a man can divorce his wife by simply telling her "I divorce you." [More]

I am seriously getting tired of hearing people talk about that Flyers game... Yeah, that's cool, but its old news now. Spreading rumors is always fun, a good way to change the topic of alot of conversations. Not feeling creative? Let the Rumor Generator do it for you.

Dammit, all you Asian guys are lucky! Besides that, from what I know, the majority of Asian people are kick-ass artists.

Whoever wrote this shit should be dragged out into a street and shot! Well, maybe thats a little overboard, but he should definitely be shot!

For all you webmasters, this site should give you some good ideas of search terms to use with your site.

"Despite all my rage, I am still just a-ready-to-cage!" What was that?

Oh yeah, check this site out, it's hilarious, and it looks exactly like a real porn site too! Or you could just walk around cursing at people in Irish... Nah.

5.09(9:55PM):// You Pre-vert.
No! That's not what Gnutella is for!



5.09(6:43PM):// Bedtime.
I've been so tired lately... Just want a good bedtime story and some rest. So many things interfere with those wishes. This website, for example, being one of them. I know I'm not forced into updating it... But I do it for the readers. I get satisfaction knowing that people are interested in coming to something that I created with my own two hands. I wonder if anyone remotely normal reads this... Or are you all like me, just looking for strange humor & disgusting pictures, skipping over all of the actual writing?



5.09(3:25PM):// More Than Meets The Eye.
Optimus Prime has been my hero since I was a little wee lad, and now that I have found his web site, I can die a happy man. Although I'd be an even happier man if I could get hooked up with some of these chicks. Um, please keep this monstrosity away from me... That's sickening.

Trying to impress that special someone? Well there is no better way to do it then to write her/him a letter in an official Charles Manson font. And now you can do it for the low price of only $9.95! Click here. You're not actually ordering that, are you? Sicko...

Anyway, this blows, I'm really not supposed to be on the computer at all so I gotta get off. Maybe I'll get a chance to update later tonight. Oh yeah, and this page is cool, I guess.

5.08(8:56PM):// Horse-Boy.

My friend Arin found the image posted above in a magazine or something, and he edited it, and created this. People liked it so much that he made two more, which can be viewed here and here. Some other kid made a parody of it too, which can be viewed by clicking here. I got all of these from Arin. Click here to view the message boards where he posted all of this stuff.

Oh yeah, and click here to see those Eminem lyrics.

5.08(3:19PM):// Marshall Mathers.
In my opinion, Eminem is undoubtedly the best rapper out there. Better than Biggie & Tupac were, although I'm sure not many would agree with me on that one. I used to listen to all rap, but now I don't listen to much rap at all, just Outkast, Bone Thugs, Cypress Hill, Method Man, and a few others. Eminem is the best lyricist, I mean check this shit out!

"Toilet water splashes me right in the ass when I'm spittin'
Cause I'm always shittin when I'm rappin with Master P
Got a blowjob from Paula Jones, and stuffed it so far in her mouth
My balls broke both of her collarbones
Told Mya this shit was all about me-ah
Gave Alyssa Milano syphillis, mono and gonorrhea
And all three of my main girls said "see-ya"
Cause Brandy and Monica walked in and caught me fuckin' Aaliyah"

[From "Get You Mad"]

I'm going to make a lyrics section soon, and I'll put the lyrics to all of his songs on it. Actually, I'll probably never get around to it, but it'd be nice. Anyway, Eminem's new CD is coming out in exactly I know I'll be getting it like the second I can. By the way, the release countdown above is pretty accurate, everytime you come to the site it will tell you how much time is left until the CD hits the stores.

5.08(7:52AM):// Hungry Hungry Hippos.
God, I feel sick as hell, I think I must have caught something when I was visiting my "Prairie Dawgs" over the weekend. Anyway, yesterday sucked so bad, usually my mom picks me up from the train station (30th Street Station in Philadelphia), but it's like a half hour drive from my house to there, so she said use public transportation to get home. As you all know, it was hot as anything yesterday, so I was sweating my arse off to begin with. So I go to the subway entrance, and it's closed. I wandered around for like 20 minutes looking for another entrance, only to discover it had been right across the street from the one that was closed. That figures. So I get on the subway, and I'm going from 30th Street to 69th Street, and the piece of shit breaks down at 52nd Street. So they told everyone to get off, and I had to find a damn bus and pay more money to get on that, just because Septa doesn't know how to run machinery correctly. I finally found a bus and I had to literally cram myself on, like my face was rubbing up against someone elses, thats how full it was, plus I had all the shit I was carrying around, which I literally had no space for at all. The inside of the bus was hotter then the outside, there was no air conditioning, and there was like ten retarted people singing on the bus, which made it like 10 times worse. I finally got to 69th Street Terminal, got on the trolley, and the trolley broke down! We were sitting in there for like another 15-20 minutes waiting for it to start working again... How come this shit never happens to anyone else? By the time I got home I just threw my bags on the floor and fell asleep. So all in all, my weekend sucked pretty bad. I was so tired the entire weekend, Thursday night there was a damn helicopter outside my house and it kept me up all night, Friday night we went camping, and it would have been alot of fun, but Eddie and Bryan got real drunk and me and Ryan had to stay up like all night watching them, if we weren't there they probably would have like drowned in the creek or something. So I didnt get a wink of sleep Thursday or Friday, then Saturday we went up to Eddies dads, swam in his pool, watched a whole bunch of Upright Citizens Brigade that he had stored on his TiVo, then me and Ryan went back to Ryan's house. He did like an hour of chores, then we went to Kyle's, only to find out that he was grounded, so we got kicked out, and we were stuck in New Cumberland with no rides anywhere. That's right, no public transportation there, and his parents weren't gonna just keep driving us everywhere. So we were stuck in New Cumberland 'til like 6:00 PM, then his parents finally picked us up, and we went to go see Gladiator. I fell asleep like 5 minutes into the movie, but from what I saw it was cool, lol. Apparently I was sorta moving around in my chair in my sleep, and I was like leaning on the girl next to us, who was with her boyfriend. That must have been pretty funny. Well, I'm gonna go rest for a while, then maybe I'll think about going to school. For all of you who actually read this, congratulations, you've just won ten dollars. Click here to claim your prize. Oh yeah, I'm looking for someone to possibly write a rants/opinions section about whatever on this site, so if you're interested, click here to send me some mail. I don't care how old you are or what sex or anything, as long as I like what you write about it's cool. Good night.



5.07(8:52PM):// SEPTA Blows!
My ride home blew so bad, but I'm tired, so I'll write about it tommorow. When I was little... I played with toys, but never like this... Our society is headed straight to hell, and our country is leading the way. Why not have fun while we're here? Speaking of hell, it sure is damn hot out.

Police were startled by a strange, eerie grinding sound, echoing from the garage, when they responded to a report of a stabbing early Tuesday morning. As they walked up the drive, they discovered Timothy Rarick standing in his pajamas, staring listlessly, a chain saw in his hand. Without a word, Rarick placed the chainsaw to his throat as the officers watched in horror. Rarick collapsed, dead in an instant. The chain saw continued to buzz. The footage will be released on video with some of the hottest new pop songs next week. [More]

"The Internet is revolutionizing sexuality," said Al Cooper, clinical director of a sexuality clinic in San Jose, Calif. He told psychologists that cybersex is changing the definition of sexual compulsion "like crack cocaine changed the field of substance abuse." [More]

Yesterday a truck driver was accused of paying for a two-day drug binge with a truckload of Bud Light and then trying to cover it up by reporting a bogus hijacking. [More]

Lucky Bastard...

A 29-year-old Pine Hills man was charged late Sunday in one of a series of attacks in which a squirt gun was used to spray his "man milk" on a child. [More]

5.06(12:09PM):// Spontaneous Ejaculation.
Okay, well last night sucked wrinkly-rectum papsmear popsicles, but this morning from like 1:00 AM on was awesome. We were camping (Ryan, Bryan, Ed & Me), and we cleared out a nice little section of the forest, but Ed was driving the "Mule" (Kawasaki sports utility vehicle thingy) way too fast and we wrecked into a tree, I almost like flew out of the thing, and the axle broke, so that sucked, it took us like 2 hours to get it home, because we had to manually turn the wheels (like turn them with our hands.) Actually, I didn't help at all, I just threw mud at everybody and cuddled with cows. Jack Daniels is an asshole.

Things To Do:

1] Check out DX5.org

2] Check out Jackshit.org

3] Check out Mind Control

4] Do not check out Prommom.com

5.05(3:46PM):// Dingleberry X2.

I'M OUT HAVING A GOOD TIME RIGHT NOW.
YOU SHOULD TRY IT, IT'S FUN.

5.04(11:04PM):// Severe Punishment.
Malhi Abdullah al-Qahtani, a Saudi-Arabian man, who was convicted of beating and burning his wife to death, was executed in Northern Saudi-Arabia on Wednesday. Malhi Abdullah al-Qahtani (let's just call him Mal) was beheaded in the province of Arar. He was charged with killing Hossa Huzam al-Hajri by beating and burning her in her bed. Saudi Arabia's interpretation of Islamic law mandates the death penalty for murder, rape, egg hunts, drug trafficking, sodomy, possession of super-cool, and armed robbery. What about legged robbery? That was absolutley hysterical, was it not? [More]

Here is an example of good, ol'-fashioned fun at others expense.

Wow, I knew that Jeeves was smart, but who would have thought that he reads minds?

"All you see is this huge wingspan coming at you, with his beak wide open, and those beady eyes," Ronda Reagan said. "He came straight at me. He didn't dodge me at all." No, she isn't talking about Michael Jackson. [More]

5.04(10:14PM):// Gel Snacks.
Thanks to 'stadiksyn' for this article. The Army has pulled together a team of cinematography experts from Hollywood to help it utilize the technology depicted in the hit movie "The Matrix" and TV series "Star Trek: The Next Generation" for use in its own next generation of training and simulation systems. They are attempting to create a cutting-edge simulator that would use virtual cinematography and video game technology to create realistic 3-D scenes of actual locations worldwide that soldiers could use for training and mission rehearsal. "It allows you to go anywhere, anytime," Lt. General William Campbell said. "I think my wife would be very greatful if I could help her get her hands on a 'Klingon' blow up doll... Mmmm." [More]

Today in my art class was pretty damn funny. I have this thing layin' around in my room, its a small little black plastic keychain, and there is a knob on it. When you turn the knob, it makes high-frequency noises that hurt the shit out of your ears, listening to it for like 5 minutes gives me a pounding headache. Apparently it is for 'keeping misquotes' away, but I don't see how that would work. Anyway, I took it with me to school, and me and one or two other kids had it turned on, and the whole class was complaining, kids were saying they were gonna leave the class because it was making them sick. So the teacher thought it was the lights, so as she turned the lights off, we turned off the noise thingie. So she thinks she's all smart, and as soon as she goes to sit back down in her desk, we turned it back on again, it was hilarious. It gave me a horrible headache, but it was so worth it. Almost as funny as the pepper spray last semester... Well, not quite.

This year's "I am Fat" trophy was won by a 31-year-old woman who weighed in at 162.5 kgs. To qualify, contestants must weigh above 80 kilos but there is no upper limit. The aim of the game is to be large but still possess the grace and charm of an elephant. An elephant? What the hell is this crap all about? [More]

This week, our planet will join the moon, sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn in an approximate line for several days, beginning Wednesday. The grouping will come closest to forming a straight line on Friday at 4:08 AM EDT. Some prophets of doom expect the worst: cataclysmic floods, earthquakes, new teen-boy pop groups, tidal waves, worldwide premature ejaculation, and volcanic eruptions, all triggered by gravitational forces from Earth's neighbors. Yeah, it's the last day of my life. Yours too. Did you kiss your girlfriend goodbye? Pet your dog one last time? Better call all your close ones and tell them that you love them. Okay, this is really gay, we all know shit isn't gonna happen. [More]

5.03(10:31PM):// Whatever.
I feel like shit. I have a pounding headache, alot of homework to do (screw that) and to top it all off, I feel depressed as hell. But we won't get into that. Anyway, today was hilarious, in Art Class, there were drying sculptures of people made out of clay or something in the corner, and we took scoops of clay out of this bucket and made dicks out of it, and put them on the sculptures. Then we took glue and put it on the tips of the dicks, it was pretty funny. The teacher saw it and yelled but we were just cracking up. Then we started putting the dicks everywhere. I put a few up on the wall and stuff, as far as I know they are still there. Well, I thought it was funny.

I just ran into this site, glimpse.org, and if you ask me it kicks some serious ass. Exactly the type of site I'd have if it weren't for the fucking lack of free speech on the 'net. Everytime I post something risky, I get screwed for it. The smallest hints towards things get turned into 'incriminating evidence' and thrown back into my face. Anyway, the site has photos of the people who made it breaking into places and shit. If you ask me, taking photos of it is really just asking for it, but on the other hand it would always be great to show your friends. I know that half the time I tell people about shit me and my friends used to do, they say "yeah, right", and I wish I had proof but I don't. But I do have Geriatric Erotica, and that's good enough for me.

I found some other damn cool sites as well. Check out furth3r, lotsa interesting news on it. Not only is gyrate.org a very well-designed and interesting site... They have songs by Anal Cunt! Oh yeah, and sloncha.com is a cool site too.

SATAN WANTS YOU.

Yeah... I'm in a wierd mood. Ah! Damn sea-monkeys.

5.03(4:59PM):// Napster Napster Napster.
I am getting extremely tired of hearing about this Metallica vs. Napster crap. I think that what Metallica is doing is pretty queer, but it makes perfect sense why they would do it. I mean, I wouldn't go so far as to boycott them... But hey, do whatever you want. It just makes me wanna throw up to see that Metallica actually expects their fans to send them money for nothing... Pay Lar$ is a site where people can go and make donations to the group for any 'losses' they may have 'suffered' at the hands of Napster. Well, it doesn't make me wanna throw up, that was an exaggeration, but it is ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, Metallica is one hell of a great group, but they are going overboard with this shit. No one is going to be able to encourage people to stop using Napster... Here is a really shitty example. This site says that they "pay you for pirating music", when in reality, you are paying to download mp3's from them, then sending the mp3's to your friends. If one of your friends likes the mp3 enough to come back to the site and pay for it (?), then you get, oh, say, 5 cents. Yeah, thats weak.



5.02(9:51PM):// Erectile Disfunction Rules!
Damn, this site has some real great porn on it! Yeah, if you're a stick-figure... It's a sexual position site illustrated with wooden puppets. We had these things sitting all over the art room at my old school last year, we always used to sit them in a 69 position... That class was fun.

Thousands of mindless idiots flocked to the town of Otumba for a festival of sport, savagery and beauty, in what is probably the world's only "donkey fair". They came for the donkey races, polo on donkey and bucking donkey rodeo, along with prizes for the best-costumed donkey – and, of course, the crowning of Miss Donkey. This year's award goes to US Attorney General Janet Reno. [More]

I just can't believe that people expect to make money by selling crap like this... Elian's authentic hair, a toothbrush resembling that of his, a jar of air from his neighborhood, the raft that he floated in on, dirt from his backyard, beanie babies that he played with, and his actual foreskin, preserved in a zip-lock baggy. Well, that last one was a joke. To the left is a photo of that little bastard Elian, the photo was taken right before he began to make out with his father. Aww, I guess its another Kodak moment.

And now... The moment you've all been waiting for...

A.C. Song Titles

This faggot was harassing my friend Vanessa, so I decided to IM him...

John Vantine: Hey
TCbadboy69: ha
TCbadboy69: fuck you
TCbadboy69: not you sorry
John Vantine: Don't hack me, you little hackster.
TCbadboy69: i ment to say it to some one eals
TCbadboy69: waz up
John Vantine: Nothin, you from D-Hill?
TCbadboy69: nothing eather wats yor rell name
TCbadboy69: are you alone in the house
John Vantine: no...
John Vantine: that movie sucks, and that was extremely gay on your part.
TCbadboy69: i wouldent say that if i were you
TCbadboy69: something bad will happien
John Vantine: Haha, you pink faggot.

- At this point, he warned me about 600 times. Homo.

John Vantine: You little faggot
Previous message was not received by TCbadboy69 because of error: User TCbadboy69 is not available.



5.02(4:29PM):// Gotta Love 'Em.
I have mentioned the music group 'Anal Cunt' before, but I don't like to keep typing that name, so from here on out, they shall be reffered to as A.C. (Not to be confused with AC/DC). I was looking through some of the 'A.C.' songs on Napster, and the names of these songs just crack me up, so I'm gonna make a list of every single one I can find. I will post that list later tonight. And now, here are your 'normally scheduled' updates:

David Carl Rice, a 30-year-old wheelchair-bound man allegedly shot the young live-in lover of his 42-year-old sister early Monday during a dispute at a Rancho Palos Verdes home. Cripples with guns! That would make a great action movie! [More]

A married New York woman was convicted of fraud and forgery on Monday. She billed her illicit lover's $15,000 penile implant to her insurance company by claiming he was her husband. Her boyfriend, Andre Dovilas, has fled to Haiti with the implanted evidence. Penile inplant fraud? You don't hear that one every day... [More]

Ng Shiu-ping, a vendor selling "stinky tofu", was fined $1,538 for violating the rights of others to fresh and clean air. He was convicted Friday of breaching air pollution laws. What the hell kind of name is 'NG'? More]

Inmates of the Modelo penitentiary made their own booze, hired prostitutes and kept Rottweilers as pets. That is until the police retook control of Colombia's largest prison from the inmates. In a massive weekend raid on the Modelo penitentiary, police discovered a private sauna and gym, drugs, dogs, and swedish penis enlargers. And there were weapons everywhere. 511 women were also found in the all-male prison. They were allegedly whores who were hired to stay for several days to offer their 'services' to inmates. National Police Chief Rosso Jose Serrano described the prison as a hotbed of corruption and a center of extortion, kidnapping, drug trafficking and prostitution. Inmates hid radios, cellular phones and computers in their cells, which they used to manage criminal bands outside the prison. "In each wall there was a false tile or brick and behind that tile (there was) a radio, a weapon, marijuana, ammunition," Serrano said. "But that one chick I found in the drier, boy was she a knockout. The best thing I've come across since my first Holland-Tunnel Handjob!" [More]

Metallica is suing Napster for what the musicians say are massive copyright violations. They cliam to have identified more than 335,000 individuals who were allegedly sharing the band's songs online in violation of copyright laws. The band's attorneys will deliver close to 60,000 pages of documents to the small software company Wednesday afternoon, asking that Napster block all of those individuals from the service. It's the first time Napster or other file-swapping software users have been identified in bulk as potential copyright pirates. They're just trying to scare us. I love Metallica, but this is ridiculous. [More]

Oh yeah, this is pretty retarted if you ask me, but if you come up with lyrics explaining "Why you support Napster", send them to Public Enemy's "Power to the People and the Beats" track, and you could win $5000. I think the idea is gay, but it's cool that Public Enemy is in favor of mp3s. Click here to read more about the contest or to enter. I'm sure none of you will, but if any of you do happen to enter, lemme know.

... Learn more about the creator of Napster, Shawn Fanning, by clicking here. Yeah, I'll update with those 'A.C.' song titles and some other stuff too, a little later tonight.

5.01(10:13PM):// Yo Quiero... Nevermind.
In celebration of the 468th anniversary of its founding, Oaxaca, a city located 275 miles from Mexico City, made a gigantic taco in hopes that it will "land the town in record books". Tortillas are the flat corn bread that have been the staple of the Mexican diet since early Columbian days. The tortilla is 14.5 feet in diameter, and residents later topped the it with 70 pounds of cheese, 70 pounds of beef, 45 pounds of beans and five gallons of semen. [More]

How to 'wash the cat'. Yeah, I guess we all need to learn how to do this at some point or another. Kyle, if you read this, and go to that link, don't get any ideas...

Okay, okay, here is something that everyone will agree on. We all love "Britney's Spheres", right? I mean, c'mon, how could you not? Just look at 'em! It's a cool page, by the way. Lotsa yummy pictures.

Well, here's another reason to get good grades... A couple in northern Iran forced their 8-year old daughter to drink poisonous weed killer because she was getting bad grades. Apparently they wanted to save her from becoming a burden on society, so when she got home from school...[More]

A woman who was obviously pretty pissed-off after her husband looked at another woman during church on Sunday tried to run him down with her car three times and succeeded on the final attempt. [More]

NFL star Ray Lewis appears with a co-defendant in a sexually explicit mail-order video. The video shows Lewis and Joseph Sweeting eagerly watching party guests perform sex acts for money. These images could make it difficult for Lewis' lawyers to continue their defense strategy, which has been to portray the Baltimore Ravens linebacker as a devoted family man who hardly knows Sweeting and the other co-defendant, Reginald Oakley. Well, that sucks. [More]

All I can say is... Well, this year, Vote Ficus! Seriously, this is hilarious, check it out now!

Wow, look, an mp3 player that can hold 25 days of music.

Well, sorry this has been such a small update, but I'm gonna go order one of these, and then go to sleep. By the way, it's a possibility that I'm gonna be getting some server space from NKillaz.com pretty soon, so if I do... Well, all I can say is that this site is gonna be kickin' ass. Bored? Well, here are two interesting MP3 articles: [1] [2]. And click here to check out some of 'the planets sexiest women'.