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7.23(2:55PM)://
Normally Unscheduled Update. ''Some adults and even other kids might try to touch you in a bad way on your private places. This lesson will help you know what to do if someone tries to touch you in the private places. It will also tell you that it is not your fault if someone touches your private places. This lesson will also tell you that it is okay to say "DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!!!" To get off to a great start, go ahead and say it now -- DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!!!'' Members of CBS's Survivor are constantly disgusted by their fellow
castaway Richard's belief that the island is his own nude beach. But
they'd shut their pie-holes if they were on the set of Marlon Brando
Here is yet
another odd thing I came across today. Oh, and here is yet another
one. It made no sense to me... It is about some family who wants to be the
"first royal family on Mars"... If you ask me, it's just one bald fat guy
on way too much crack.
Oh yeah, do me a favor and check out these two sites. The webmasters
politely asked to be plugged, so it's only fair that they get what they
asked for. Here they are: The Dickson and Hamsterstyle.com. I
really like the Hamsterstyle one. Is it all just because of the name?
Who knows? Well, go to both of 'em. Now! God, I am seriously pissed off. I am missing OzzFest right now. It is
like going on as I type this. I am missing Soulfly, Pantera, Ozzy, Kittie,
Taproot, Godsmack, Incubus, Static-X, Disturbed, Methods Of Mayhem, and a
bunch of other groups that I absolutely love. If I could have customized a
concert to my own personal liking... This is what it would have consited
of. And I am missing it, right now. All because my damn mom "never had a
chance" to talk it over with my dad... Yet she is taking my sisters to
some N'Sync concert next weekend in Hershey. That's such a load of
bullshit, I have been asking to go since before school ended.
I have been searching all over eBay for a megaphone. You know, one of those things you
talk into and it amplifies your voice really loud, so that people can hear
you even if they would rather not? Yeah, one of those... My friends and I
could have so much fun with one of those, it would be hilarious. I would
take it into libraries, movie theaters, and I'd love to just follow people
around on the streets with it, god that would be funny. If anyone here
knows of a place I could order one of these from for a reasonably cheap
price, please let me know! I assure you there will be many more funny
stories on here if I get my hands on one of those.
I have to work tonight at 7:00 or something, so I'm just gonna post
some news for now. I know I have promised tons of people plugs on this
site and I always forget... So if you want a plug... e-mail me at nitejohn@hotmail.com, and ask
for one, chances are I will plug you unless your site blows a fat choad.
Golfers at the Florida Club will still have to endure the stench from a
neighboring pig farm, but at least they won't have to listen to twangy
tunes played for the porkers' enjoyment. [More]
It's a dirty job, and firefighters had to do it. A soiled diaper is
blamed for a residential fire in Texas. Nobody was hurt in the blaze at
the Townhouse Apartments in Ennis. Yesterday's fire caused about
three-thousand dollars in damage. [More]
Britain's smallest school will close next month after three of its four
pupils decided to leave. Caldey Island - which lies off the Welsh coast -
opened its primary school in a converted wooden tea shop in 1982.
[More]
Sometimes a price can be too low even for Wal-Mart. Police arrested a
man who was caught at a Wal-Mart Supercenter allegedly slapping his own
bar codes on cans of baby formula, lowering the price to $1.89 on cans
that go for between $10 and $20, said Detective Stephen Charles.
[More]
The mysterious disappearance of one-time Iron Butterfly bassist Philip
"Taylor" Kramer, 42, has come to a tragic conclusion with the May 29,
1999, discovery by hikers of his 1993 Ford Aerostar van at the bottom of a
Malibu, Calif., ravine. Skeletal remains found inside and near the vehicle
were confirmed through dental records to be those of Kramer. [More] Today I was mowing a neighbors lawn... And they left the newspaper out
on the lawn. Well, I was gonna go past it and then pick it up when I came
back the other way... Not that that matters, but anyway, I got a little
too close to the newspaper, and it got sucked under the lawnmower, and it
shot out all over the place, it just made a big thump and then shot out
everywhere, it was like snow, except then I had to clean it all up, and
that sucked, it took like ten minutes to get all of those damn pieces up.
Yeah, laugh at my misfortune, asshole! Why did I just post that entire news article? Well, because I used to
live in Camp Hill. Well, not in it, but right outside of it, and I know
that neighborhood inside and out. Chances are I'd know the girl who did
this if I could get a name. That's a pretty funny story though, don't you
think? Last night at like 1:30 AM on the discovery channel, I was watching
some "Unexplained Phenomena"-type of show on the Discovery Channel, I
think it was called "Beyond Bizarre", and they had a segment on a
mysterious creature which has been terrorizing Puerto Rican livestock for
decades now. The spanish word chupacabra rougly translates to
'goat sucker', and this is the name that has been given to the creature,
as it has yet to be found, although photographs which supposedly captured
the creature are available at sites like this
one. Is it all some kind ofhoax?
Maybe it will just go unexplained forever, not unlike "Bigfoot", and "The
Abominable Snowman". Or is it real? Who knows?
I'll update some more in a little bit, I have some shit to go do for
now. God, there are so many hot girls with cams on the 'net! Look at Chelle Cam!
I'm in love again!
A Hindu priest in the Indian city of West Bengal has been arrested for
allegedly "marrying" a four-year-old girl and a stray dog. [More]
O.J. Simpson will get another chance to convince America that he didn't
kill his ex-wife and her friend on the Internet. Simpson will field
questions next week during a two-hour "chat" session. [More]
Surgeons opened up the stomach of a drug courier and found 80
heroin-filled condoms he tried to smuggle after one burst and stopped his
heart. [More]
For generations, physicists believed there is nothing faster than light
moving through a vacuum - a speed of 186,000 miles per second. But in an
experiment in Princeton, New Jersey, physicists sent a pulse of laser
light through cesium vapor so quickly that it left the chamber before it
had even finished entering. [More]
Coin-operated video games in which people are decapitated, dismembered,
mutilated or maimed will soon be off-limits to children in Indianapolis.
Mayor Bart Peterson signed a violent video game law Monday, saying it was
an opportunity for the city to put its foot down on what he called a
burgeoning culture of violence. [More]
For weeks, Doug Couvertier did all he could to persuade people in the
small Florida town of Southwest Ranches to vote him onto the new city
council. He went door-to-door, advertised and sent letters in search of
votes. This week Couvertier began begging people not to vote for
him. It's too close to next Tuesday's election to escape the ballot, but
he is praying he'll escape office. [More]
An alliance of Pakistani fundamentalist Islamic groups Wednesday gave
the military-led government until Sunday to ban cable television in the
northwestern city of Peshawar or they would cut the cables. [More] Capitals385: hi I just wish I
could be there to see when he whispers to her "Will you suck on it
now?", and she slaps him in the face. Okay, you're right, I'm an
asshole, but I'm in a mischievious mood right now.
"Internal" made
a new link button for me... So I decided to return the favor and draw him
a super cool scary monster picture. It scared the living hell out of him
when he saw it. I could tell because he didn't IM me back for like 15
minutes. I think it scared him so bad that he crapped his pants. Here it
is. Maybe I should post a disclaimer so no one has a heart attack or
anything. Honestly, I can't tell you why, but looking at this Lil' Amber site gets me
mad, like I want to break something. Sue me if it sounds horrible or
whatever, but I have the same kind of problem with those Olsen twins...
They just piss me off. We need less girls like them, and more chicks like
the ones pictured here... Okay, I'm kidding, sorry if I sounded like a
"typical guy" there. Yeah, there are enough beer sluts in this world, we
don't need any more.
This is one
of the funniest comic strips I have seen for a while... Kinda strange, but funny nonetheless.
Basketball great Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was arrested Tuesday night for
investigation of driving under the influence of marijuana. [More]
WWF wrestler Chyna is about to show a lot more than her famous muscles
in a spread for Playboy magazine. The 6-foot-tall, 200-pound bodybuilder
took it all off last weekend for a photo shoot that will appear in the
November issue of the men's magazine. The Amazonian Chyna — who's also
appeared as a guest star on 3rd Rock From the Sun and several other TV
shows — tells the WWF's web site that she's "very excited" and "very
proud" to bare all for the Playboy camera. [More]
The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) is expected to announce tomorrow
that they will allow the merger of the Bloods and the Crips to proceed.
"We found that there are several alternatives in the gang marketplace,
including the Mafia, Skinheads and the KKK," said FTC Chairman Robert
Pitofsky. "While all these groups aren't specifically categorized as
gangs, they do operate in the same marketspace. We feel that there will
remain adequate competition in the gang industry." [More]
A Colombian water rugby team's plan to stage a "ladies only" striptease
to raise money for the national championships has angered the local
Catholic Church, which calls the idea an "assault against human dignity."
[More] I never knew you could make so many different kinds of food with
weed... Just look! I also never knew you could learn so much from
some innocent stuffed animals... Wait, this is wrong... So very
wrong! Clickaroo.
If you're bored, there are alot of cool games to play on the internet.
And then there are 'games' like this
one, titled "Gay Or Eurotrash", that you don't wanna play even if it
is the only game in the world. I'd rather play spin the bottle with my
grandparents then play that shit.
I just found this site, which is the home of 'SlugBot', a robot that
"eats" slugs. It tracks them down and sucks 'em in. Why would you ever
want something like this, when you could just save the money and eat the
slugs yourself? Robots are better off doing things like playing soccer and terrorizing entire
communities of law-abiding citizens.
Damn... Nothing turns me on like a robo-chick... Wait a minute... That's just wrong! Ahh, that's better.
Phoenix police accused 77-year-old Sylvester McDavid of supplying drugs
to crack houses in the southern part of the city on Thursday. When he was
arrested, McDavid was living with his 10-year-old son and two young
grandchildren. The other two suspects are a 70-year-old grandmother and a
74-year-old man, both allegedly supplied by McDavid. [More]
Police are hot on the trail of the thieves of an inflatable balloon
animal that stands 35 feet high, thanks to a well-hidden video camera that
captured the deed in black and white. "They had a lot of guts,",
said co-owner Rick Seele. "But what are they going to be able to do
with a giant gorilla?" [More]
The short list of actors to play FBI Agent Dana Scully's new X-Files
partner includes Bruce Campbell, Hart Bochner, Lou Diamond Phillips and
Robert Patrick, according to The Hollywood Reporter. The trade paper cited
unnamed sources as saying that The X-Files creator Chris Carter tested the
four actors for the role, described as a blue collar-type, on July 14.
David Duchovny will scale back his appearances as Agent Fox Mulder in the
series' eighth season. [More]
Phnom Penh police arrested the organizers of a ring of men who posed as
Buddhist monks and allegedly used their daily alms collections to finance
nightly forays to karaoke bars and brothels. [More]
Swaziland officials will ban mini-skirts in schools in an attempt to
halt the spread of AIDS. The aim is to put a stop to sexual relationships
between teachers and their female pupils in a country where at least one
quarter of the population is infected with HIV. Schoolgirls are widely
blamed for enticing teachers with their short skirts. [More]
Thai children as young as four will receive sex education in a bid to
halt underage pregnancies and the spread of HIV and AIDS, the state-owned
Thai News Agency reported on Tuesday. It quoted the Thai public health
ministry as saying a formal program of sex education was needed from the
nursery schools upwards because class teachers had been too embarrassed in
the past to explain the facts of life to pupils. [More]
Local authorities had to shoot a horny Russian Bear after it ran from
the woods and began dry humping several hikers Saturday. "It ran from
woods and chase us down. I notice right away. That bear have huge
erection." said Dimitrius Dimitri, in broken English, shortly after
the attack. "I never feel so violated before in my life." Dimitrius
was visibly shaken but was physically unharmed. "I just pray that my
pants stay put." said Sergii. [More]
Cuba's Catholic-educated President Fidel Castro, one of history's most
famous communists, believes Jesus Christ shared his political faith.
[More]
He may not be Vincent van Gogh, but Cuban shipwreck survivor and
budding artist Elian Gonzalez had his own flower painting on public
display. [More]
Saudi Arabia Friday executed three Yemeni men found guilty of engaging
in homosexual acts and molesting young boys. [More]
Teen pop sensation Britney Spears whose hits "Oops I Did It Again" and
"Baby, One More Time" is recovering today in a Los Angeles hospital after
her breasts exploded while filming her latest video. Three other people
were treated for minor injuries. [More]
A four-year old Indian girl has married a stray dog in a traditional
Hindu service -- and it wasn't a case of puppy love at first sight. The
bizarre ceremony was prompted by an astrologer who told the girl's father
that the ceremony would transfer the evil effects of the planet Saturn
from the girl to the dog. [More]
Red-faced military officials in Romania have promised to correct a
printing error which instructed soldiers to perform an obscene
one-fingered salute.
The new regulation orders soldiers not wearing caps to raise their
middle finger to their temple. [More]
Louisville Police say the man who robbed a downtown bank at gunpoint
Thursday left behind two important clues for investigators: His checkbook
and birth certificate. [More] I know this may sound somewhat odd, but I have made a very important decision. After
many long seconds of deep thought (okay, two or three), I have decided to
order a couple "Russian Brides" for my own personal enjoyment. Understand
that these girls are mine, and if you so much as look at them, I
will sic Spike (Helena) on you. That being said, I'd like you to
meet Olga, Anastasia, Julia, Galya, Kate, Tanya, and Marina. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Mizi found Olga first, so I guess we can share her. Orgasms leave us feeling flushed, euphoric and happily exhausted. And unlike so many other things that
feel
good, they may also actually be good for us. Orgasms can actually
deliver health benefits that long outlast the sexual afterglow, according
to experts, who say the intense sexual experience might do everything from
lower your blood pressure to reduce the risk of cancer in women. Orgasms
are also a series of pleasurable muscular contractions, releasing pent-up
tension and stimulating the brain's pleasure center. If any girls are
interested in participating in an activity which will reduce their risk of
cancer... You know where to go, haha. [More]
Watching the 3-year-old, 1,300-pound cow, Taffy, lazily lick slobber
from around her mouth with her thick, milky-white tongue, it's hard to imagine she's Michigan State
University's newest record-setting athlete. But in a breakneck eight
minutes 55.4 seconds, she shaped history last month by officially becoming
the first World's Fastest Racing Cow in the Guinness Book of Records.
Those people need to lay off of the crack... [More]
Pope John Paul II bitterly denounced the gay pride festival in Rome as offensive to Christians
and said Sunday that homosexual acts are "contrary to natural law." I
always knew that guy was cool! [More]
Ok, this blows, I have to work from 4:00 til 11:00 tonight. So that
should explain why there probably won't be anymore updates until later
this evening. Actress Drew Barrymore, who stars in the upcoming film "Charlie"s
Angels," is engaged to marry MTV comedian Tom Green. [More]
A Southern California animal abuser convicted of fatal sexual assaults
on sheep has been sentenced to prison. A judge on Monday sentenced James
Donald Ray, 39, to three years and four months behind bars for sexually
molesting three sheep, two of which died. [More]
A Pakistani father has married off his 13-year-old daughter for 200
pigeons and 10 partridges. [More]
The Goat and Compasses is fine, but the Goose and Granite is definitely
not. The debate over British pub names is foaming up again: The Goat and
Compasses is a centuries-old moniker, while the latter is a newly minted
corporate label. Traditional English pub names often are patriotic or
royal - The Crown, The King's Head, The Red Lion. Others are resolutely
local, paying tribute to the lord of the manor or reflecting a region's
landmarks, flora and fauna, industry or sporting heroes. [More]
Surgeons at Bogota's Military Hospital needed an especially steady hand
this week as they traded surgical gowns for bulletproof vests to help
remove an unexploded grenade from the leg of a young soldier. [More]
Internet trading community eBay said Wednesday that it had asked a federal judge to
bar a Chicago man from its Web site for using foul language and flouting
its own attempts to ban him. [More] Is it just me... Or is Brittany like extremely attractive? Yeah, I was just
gonna come out and call her "hot as hell", but that takes all the charm
out of it, and makes me just sound like another typical guy bursting at
the seams with hormones... I'm not saying that I'm not, but... Okay,
nevermind, just check out her site. |
